Catching Up, Life on Life

Priorities have taken a bit of a shift in our household. Maybe you have noticed my lack of blogging. Ha! God has been reformatting our household and most of all transforming me.

After a bout of some heavy postpartum depression, I am finally jumping into life again and it feels absolutely wonderful. I put on a good face so most don't know that I had been secretly hiding in a hole of postpartum blues. I knew for a while I was struggling, but it wasn't until I had a night out with a girl friend that I found myself falling apart on her couch in a pile of overwhelming anxiety that I realized it's depths. I could no longer compartmentalize my day, tasks, or if just one child started whining. I couldn't get on the floor to play and read to my kids and could barely get in the car to leave the house to go anywhere, even on a date with my hubs.

Coming out on the other side, God has met me with so much inspiration, delight, and increasing faith. I also don't want to mention the realizations that my babies are all GROWN. Ahhhh!  

Our niece, Crailey, sent us a picture of her rocking her twin baby dolls, coincidentally named Anna and Esther, btw. Out of the cute humor, I found my heart aching a bit. My girls, who weren't too far from those baby doll sizes you see, made me realize they were never going back to sweet newborn babies ever again. ::sniffles:: If this could only be consoled by the little man we have, literally, walking around the house (like the cutest waddling baby duck you have ever seen), but he too has decided he's a big guy. He is doing things, I think, my girls were doing when they were 15 months old.

Crailey with her twins, Anna & Esther. So cute!!

As for more big kid stuff, Anna & Esther moved into toddler beds, we lowered Ty's crib all the way down, traded the training potty for the real one, and the girls willingly gave up their bedtime passys in exchange for a Minnie Mouse toy. In the swap, they gathered up all of the passys out of their beds, took them to put in the mailbox with Daddy, who magically sent them to Indonesia with 3 knocks, taps, and a holler, and when looking back inside, the passys had disappeared. They waved, "Bye bye, passy," as they walked away. Ahhhh....big girls!

Big inspirations and joy have come in being a wife. God has shown me where I have been compromising my priorities as a mate. It's easy to lose focus in the infant and toddler stages since they depend on me for almost everything. I started losing sight of affirming my husband on a daily basis and unintentionally forgetting his basic love needs (i.e respect, companionship, intimacy). I have to admit, I was rather prideful thinking I was a pretty awesome wife in these areas until I was challenged reading Ephesians 5:33 (Amplified Version):

However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly] 

I started looking at my husband with new eyes. Ones that are rather infatuated with him all over again. During the day, I find myself admiring and thinking about all the different aspects I love about him. It changes my perspective so that I am not in full kiddo mode all the time. It renews my tone, how I relate and respond to him, and prioritizing my hubs in my daily routine.

Philippians 4:8: "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." 

And my husband certainly is those things!

On another priority shift note, my quiet time with the Lord has become of most importance. After Tyler was born, I put it on the back burner. I selfishly felt like if I could hardly get a second of "me" time, then I didn't want to spend any extra moments of what I could have to myself in that sacred place. I forgot and lost sight of how fulfilling He alone can make me.

My new rule of thumb: no Facebook, Pinterest, Blogging, checking messages/emails, or working on pictures (the photographer in me) until I have spent quality time in the Word with the Holy Spirit. 

If I don't happen to get the time during the day, then I retreat from my hubby time about 40 minutes before bed for an uninterrupted period. If I'm not right with the Lord, then I'm not going to be right with my husband in our marriage.

It's amazing how much time all the sudden just opens from the sky. Ha! I have somewhat applied the same rule to time with my kiddos, household chores, and husband time. It's interesting how much of social media have become a distraction in our lives and we don't even pay attention to it. It's so subtle.

We have also amended our prayer time together as a couple. No longer do my husband and I pray together before bed in bed, but instead have carved out more intentional prayer at what we now call our "prayer couch" in our room before getting in bed. This intimate time has become one of my favorite parts of the day. It's no longer rushed for us to beat our drooping eyelids but has created such sweet heart to heart moments after a busy day. Before we start, we snuggle up and my husband usually starts out asking me questions like:

• What's on your heart today?
• What are you worried about?
• What are you struggling with?
• What made you the happiest today?

It is truly a cherished time with my Beloved before going to the Throne Room. It creates time for us to learn and know the other's heart and fine tuning them towards the Father's. 

In our prayer time, we have found ourselves requesting for an increased faith. It's incredible what The Word says we can do with just a minuscule mustard seed of faith, but yet it's one of the hardest things to obtain, so we thought why not ask the Father to teach us to have more. I have to admit, it is kind of scary to ask for immeasurably more faith, but thinking of the Hillsong United Song, "Oceans," that's where I want to be:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

The Lord has been so gracious with all His goodness He has bestowed, but it's not all butterflies and rainbows. He challenges me constantly to become better and closer to Him. Becoming His comes with a price of dying to self, tendencies, mindsets, and exposing new sins. Ouch! The sins I have been trying to repeatedly overcome, The Lord has ultimately put His foot down with choices to follow Him and His heart. 

It makes me think when Jesus asked his disciples to instantly leave their lives and what they were doing in that moment to follow Him. In my sin, am I going to hold on to my pride, self righteousness, and unforgiveness of others or am I going to get up, leave it behind, and follow Him? Yikes! 

The alterations in our household have been so gratifying. Being able to function again as a wife, mom, and person is something I am praising the Lord for every day right now. As I smelled the fresh, salty air on our beach getaway with my family last week, it made me instantly realize how far we have come since this hard, never-ending winter. His grace is sufficient. 

The Countdown is On!

The two month countdown is officially on until the big ONE! Party planning is already in the works for a Tie [Ty] Party! Haha! We are already anticipating a grand smash cake experience.

ten months: 19 pounds, 10 ounces. 27 inches tall

• and we have a WALKER!!!!
• now expert food thief
• has quite the little personality showing through
• waves hello
• motions goodbye
• points with fingers
• ate his first spaghetti
• plays ball on the floor- catches & rolls
• says: ma-ma, da-da, ba-ba, more, yeah, hi, uh-oh, mmmmm...
• cries with hurt feelings when told, "no"
• already loves playing outside
• hates his high chair
• won't sit still for diaper or clothes changing
• mimics anna's squint face
• rides in the red wagon with his sissys
• toy trucks, trains, & balls are the favorites
• still no teeth
• finally has a bit of hair
• sleeps with two wubbanub passys
• likes to push his sisters in the cozy coupe
• traveled a family trip to indiana 
• and ate at Lambert's Cafe
• plays in all things water especially the cat bowls
• likes to color at the art easel  
• but most of the time ends up with marker all over his mouth
• still the happiest baby at almost all times
• picked up his 1st easter egg at his 1st egg hunt

Blinking Before 8 Months

Our Tyler is growing so fast! We are almost looking at 8 months already, so I thought I should give a 6-7 month update before it got to be too late on our Half Birthday achievements. Who knows, I might need to reference this just for myself as I am getting behind on writing in his Baby Book.  

seven months: 18 lbs, 8 oz. 25 inches tall. 

• still loves to play all things with his sissys 
• fisher price "crawl around car" is his favorite toy
• baths are most exciting
• cooing and singing are his alarm clock sounds for mommy in the morning
• growing hair at snails pace
• started first foods at 6 months
• prefers 'baby led weaning' over baby food
• loves bananas
• but is really a food thief (cats not excluded here)
• crawling at record speeds
• climbing, pulling up, standing & walking along side of tables, chairs, cabinets, everything
• making all kinds of new sounds (mmmm, da da da, bu uh)
• pressing lips and making puckering noises
• conquered RSV
• flaps arms when happiest
• showing first signs of being bashful
• teeth have yet to make an appearance
• still wakes mommy at 4am insisting a diaper change
• hates head rubs
• shows hurt feelings when his sisters take their toys away from him
• and cries in anger when it's food
• recognizes his name and understands the "come here" command
• will soon think his sisters named him, "No No I-ler"
• ticklish, ticklish, ticklish
• "peek-a-BOO" makes for good belly laughs
• little fat rolls can even be found under his armpits
• plays with his trucks on the kitchen floor like a big boy
• pulls hair and pinches cheeks
• makes fake cough noises and laughs
• can holler and squeal as loud as the girls
• acts like he is playing the bongos on all flat surfaces
• is a baby filled with smiles & joy

Recent Funny Story:

Tyler gets lots of hugs and kisses from his big sisters. Bedtime ones are usually the sweetest, but sometimes they are a little overwhelming with it. As one of my recent Facebook posts included: 

"Goodnight Kisses to brother tonight involved applesauce lips and trying to stick carrot sticks in his eyes. Yep."

Anna has recently started long tackle hugs to the floor where Tyler gets agitated because he can't free himself. He gets angry and starts to cry when she does not release. At the sounds of my protesting, she takes it upon herself to spank him and points to me as if to let him know he is getting spanked by her on behalf of Mommy for refusing her hugs. Poor Tyler, I can't help but find the last part a bit hilarious.

On a precious side note of all the hugs, Tyler has already mastered putting his arm around my neck in endearment. :)

Wifery Edification

Not to sound all fluffy and posh, but my husband and I (of 3 years yesterday. Woot! Woot!), rarely argue and fuss or try to fix or change the other. That last part is significant, btw.

This past weekend my husband deeply hurt and offended me. I felt the Lord prompting me to be graceful, no lashing out or making my husband feel bad, but to just love him and be sweet in return. Ugh, seriously?! So, umm.... I wish I could say I did just that. Nope. No 'gold star' for this wife. I have no idea how lovely the situation could have turned out with the Spirit's leading because I didn't listen. I couldn't let it go. Instead I grieved myself and the Holy Spirit. I felt like I deserved to let him know how much he hurt me or should I say, give him enough grief that it never happened again. 

And wives, if you don't know, that's where the lines start to blur. It's the beginning of the ugliness of being that nagging, dripping faucet wife who tries to punish and change her husband. It just doesn't work, see Proverbs 21:9. 

My husband did not lie down like a dog nor did he lash out in return [at my disrespectful unsightliness that is still eating at my inner being]. Instead of personally taking me on or trying to reciprocate my behavior, my husband simply asked the Lord, 'to deal with me.' And as we went to sleep that night, my husband softly spoke to me (pouring myrrh on my door, Song of Solomon 5:5, ref Tommy Nelson's "The Art of Conflict") and said, "I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

Going to sleep that night was tough. I created a mess, ruined a good evening, and still had hard feelings.
But the Spirit still spoke to me, answering my husband's prayers. The Lord dealt with me, convicted me, and rewired my thoughts and behavior. He prompted me to not only make amends but to write my husband a heartfelt note of all the things I love most about him. The Lord gave me a heart change and I was able to make connection with my husband's heart again. It was lovely. As it should have been at the very start.

Love and kindness lead to repentance, not harshness or punishment. The Holy Spirit convicts and makes heart changes, not human nagging, control, or fixing. Something for me to 'wife up' in all relationships, not just in marriage. 

*Proverbs 21:9- "It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home."

Beginning Ambitions [Photography]

I love photography. The need to take in every bit of the environment around me and capturing/soaking up memories goes back as far as I can remember. Being on a budget and not being able to afford all those adorable baby photos you find eating up my Pinterest board forced me to get creative with my little digital camera after our twin girls were born.

While I am in the mist of blogger's block (not for a lack of thought, but too many for a too busy household right now), I thought I would share two sessions I got to partake in a while back. They were my 1st official "learning" sessions.

BABY ANNOUNCING

Sweet and special friends of ours shared their prayers had been answered. They were so awesome to allow me to be a part of their sweet time.

I wish I could take credit for this creative idea, but it came from the inspirations of Raft Media's "Bun in the Oven" Baby Announcement found here: http://raftmedia.blogspot.com/2012/02/bun-in-oven-baby-announcement.html

Christmas Card JOY

I loved this one. My camera couldn't take in all it's beauty. The path ahead was GORGEOUS. It's symbolism for a new journey in store is precious.

FIRST HOME GOING AWAY MEMORIES

My Sister and Brother In Law were moving from their first home they bought together as newlyweds and were upgrading to their new home made for their expanding love [kiddos ;)] but wanted to take a few memories to remind them of home. 

Memories are always served best around the dinner table and even sweeter when it's children's conversations with the Father.

Sippy Cup Toast

Sister conversations randomly happen in the refrigerator. Ha!

Bedtime Kisses aren't just for Mommies and Daddies but Sissys too

Red Door

Home Remembered In Time

VHS Tape

What does complete surrender and reckless abandonment look like?
What does it look like when God blows open my paradigm of expectations and boxes I have confined Him in?

These are some questions I have been pondering in my own life. There seems to be a lot stirring around spiritually and some serious [spiritual] heart surgery taking place.

Many of us can remember the VHS tape.You could watch and record your favorite movies. It was awesome. You thought it couldn't get any better than that. Then, many years later the DVD was introduced along with Blue-Ray, and now Ta-Daa, there's Amazon Instant Video. You can get almost any movie streaming instantly in your home, phone, or tablet with the push of a button.

Sometimes we can end up making God like the VHS tape and stick Him in the box. We find ourselves getting comfortable and complacent. We are happy with the way things are or with what He is doing in our lives and don't think it can get any better than our current circumstance. And honestly, a lot of us think God just can't do the impossible things. We limit His infinite power, resources, glory, and might.  

I totally caught myself doing that this week. My husband mentioned one of the couples in our church who own an orphanage in Kenya. I was totally blown away by the idea and caught myself wanting to put it in my Book of Possibilities to do one day. But then, how could I possibly do that along with the all the other things we have dreams of doing like marriage counseling to others, service/missions, a dress shoppe, enjoying all my kids and their families in the same spot, and with the resources we have, etc.

H.E.L.L.O...I have an AWESOME GOD! 

I put him in a box! Who says I can't do it all! Sure, some things may not happen, like the Betamax. Haha! God may have far and better ministry opportunities than I have imagined. But these desires that God is inspiring do not all have to happen at the same point and time in my life. Each may call forth their own season. They all have their place, working their way up to the next big thing. God will surprise me all along the way in the journey I never thought possible. It will be like abandoning that old VHS for Insta. Mind - Blown!

But in the same sentence, do I know how or what it looks like to live completely surrendered and follow in reckless, blind abandonment. Saying, "Yes, God!" to all of His callings.

Sure, in my mind, I say, 'That's easy. Of course, God.' But when I think how the disciples just dropped everything they had, knew, and owned to follow Jesus when called, "Come and follow me," I'm struggling.

My husband was presented with a possible job promotion over the last week. It would require us to move from our snugly comfort zone of life and home. I found myself saying, "I will go here, but I won't go there." I was putting limits on what God was putting on the table. It may not be what I envisioned, what I wanted, what I looked forward to, and may have ultimately been really challenging, but....

                                                                         where has God failed me yet???

No, we aren't moving. It looks like we are still staying here for another season, but it was a good test of my heart strings. I have work to do. I want and must be in total surrender to His perfect will and calling at all times. There won't always be a warning process. He may instantly want my, 'Yes, God.'

God has bestowed us with many opportunities, talents, gifts, favor, wealth, etc. He doesn't expect us to selfishly keep it all for ourselves in our own boxes as well. He wants us to impart it, share it with everyone around us. He is embracing us with heart choices. Choices of saying, "Yes!"

And in turn, God will blow open our small box in our small mind of what He looks like, His Glory and Power, and give us a much BIGGER picture of WHO HE IS.

My Champagne Cup

I have been a camel in the desert since bringing home our new little guy from the hospital. Trying to balance life with a newborn and twins under the age of 2 has been quite the challenge. Now that we are 4 months in, we are getting the hang of things and starting to glide, but I can tell you for sure, my reservoir has been left
empty...

            lifeless...

                        depleted...

Motherhood is not to be taken lightly. It is an extreme dying of self. Sleep, privacy, sanity...it's all gone. Some days you lose yourself in the diapers, feedings, fussing, refereeing, etc. It's easy to forget there's a person under that mouth wiped on, snot and tears stained shirt. 

In some ways, I have lost sight of my true identity (or it could just be my DNA unraveling at the seams from so many sleepless nights. Ha!). It really took God softening my heart this past week for me to cave in. I have to be strong and sufficient for so many people (well, 3 little people and one big one). I rely on myself for everyone. There is no room for me to let my guard down to let Jesus in to take over when I'm falling to pieces.

I saw a vision of myself in the way God sees me, even as a Mother: I was His little toddler. I was still full of sweet and innocence, running and falling at the feet of my Father. It was like picturing myself in the form of my little Anna running into my arms. He put His arms around me as I buried my tears in His lap. 

I need him. I'm still His little girl. I'm not this strong tough Mom guiding my way through all on my own. I'm more to Him than that.

It didn't take long after that for the Lord to show me the error of my ways. Our teaching pastor at church has been the fire the last few weeks. I'm talking, pruning some major branches here (John 15:2). He gave the perfect illustration: If I picture myself as a pitcher of water and sitting out are all my cups, each cup resembling everything I pour myself into (marriage, children, work, small group, activities, service, household chores, God, etc.), then pouring myself into each one and leaving whatever small drops I have left for God is all wrong. Even if I am majorly pouring most of myself into the "God" cup and still pouring small drops into all my other cups...it's still all wrong. 

He went further to picture that we need to be like a champagne glass fountain, like the ones you see at wedding receptions. I need to be pouring all of myself into just one cup. The "God" cup, the one cup at the very top of the fountain that overflows and cascades down and out into all the other cups. Not only is it beautiful but it all works together in perfect alignment without any cups going dry. God will fill my cups overflowing in everything I do if I give myself and everything I have to Him. 

Beautiful. 

Life and motherhood simplified with just ONE glass- God.