Not to sound all fluffy and posh, but my husband and I (of 3 years yesterday. Woot! Woot!), rarely argue and fuss or try to fix or change the other. That last part is significant, btw.
This past weekend my husband deeply hurt and offended me. I felt the Lord prompting me to be graceful, no lashing out or making my husband feel bad, but to just love him and be sweet in return. Ugh, seriously?! So, umm.... I wish I could say I did just that. Nope. No 'gold star' for this wife. I have no idea how lovely the situation could have turned out with the Spirit's leading because I didn't listen. I couldn't let it go. Instead I grieved myself and the Holy Spirit. I felt like I deserved to let him know how much he hurt me or should I say, give him enough grief that it never happened again.
And wives, if you don't know, that's where the lines start to blur. It's the beginning of the ugliness of being that nagging, dripping faucet wife who tries to punish and change her husband. It just doesn't work, see Proverbs 21:9.
My husband did not lie down like a dog nor did he lash out in return [at my disrespectful unsightliness that is still eating at my inner being]. Instead of personally taking me on or trying to reciprocate my behavior, my husband simply asked the Lord, 'to deal with me.' And as we went to sleep that night, my husband softly spoke to me (pouring myrrh on my door, Song of Solomon 5:5, ref Tommy Nelson's "The Art of Conflict") and said, "I'm sorry. Please forgive me."
Going to sleep that night was tough. I created a mess, ruined a good evening, and still had hard feelings.
But the Spirit still spoke to me, answering my husband's prayers. The Lord dealt with me, convicted me, and rewired my thoughts and behavior. He prompted me to not only make amends but to write my husband a heartfelt note of all the things I love most about him. The Lord gave me a heart change and I was able to make connection with my husband's heart again. It was lovely. As it should have been at the very start.
Love and kindness lead to repentance, not harshness or punishment. The Holy Spirit convicts and makes heart changes, not human nagging, control, or fixing. Something for me to 'wife up' in all relationships, not just in marriage.
*Proverbs 21:9- "It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home."
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