Your Presence Matters

There's such a lie from the enemy being spoken to our very souls. It's one that says, 'We don't matter, we can't make a difference, someone else can be the change, or what can I do?' 

I found myself thinking these exact thoughts as I sat in opposition at a special school board meeting Thursday afternoon. Even my husband shook his head at me as I walked out the door to leave. Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would be a parent sitting at one of these meetings, but here I was. I made a decision I wanted to take a stance and speak up for our children. As I arrived, the attendance was small due to the two hour notice in school changes. I sat there feeling like it was a waste. I felt so insignificant and what did it matter that I was there at all. I felt like I was accomplishing nothing. I felt absolutely inferior.

That same voice cornered me in the shower the next morning as it tried to speak into my person. As I was processing the event, something stuck out to me though. I didn't know all the people in attendance in this room, but I did know a hand full that did come. They were all strong believers in Christ, and while it didn't seem consequential at the time, I felt like the Lord was reminding me that even though our number was few and we didn't say a word, my light, their light, our light were all small break throughs in the spiritual darkness.

I was reminded of a verse from 2 Chronicles 20:17:

"But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!”

As I arrived home feeling defeated, my kids all yelled "Mommy's home" as they excitedly ran to greet me at the door. The big kids started inquiring if I was able to revise policies at the meeting, as if I was Super Mom and I had the ability to save their world. I told them that I didn't change anything today nor did I have the opportunity to speak. They were disappointed, but in the disappointment I could also see that what I did meant a great deal in their eyes. I had not passively sat by and let things be. My presence at the board meeting had value to my kids. It showed I cared enough to stand up for their feelings and the big things that matter in their world, and that in itself gave me great pride in my actions.

The truth is we have the ability to impact our world around us. God is calling us. God is calling us to do small things and big things. Things that can even make us uncomfortable at times. We can do big things just by being in relationship with the Father and being present in our ordinary every day lives. The small things you do every day matter. What you speak matters. How you love those around you matters. Kindness matters. The small things lead to extraordinary things. 

God has even been reminding me that that 10th peanut butter and jelly I'm making for endless Summer kid snacking, matters. Those piles and piles of laundry and sweeping I feel like that. is. my. life., matters! Jesus himself served and fed His disciples on several occasions.

I may not physically see the importance of my physical presence in the spaces I contain, but as believers, the beauty of being in relationship with the Father is that we are carriers of the Holy Spirit and Christ himself. We are ambassadors of Him. We get to shine light into the dark places, in the hard places, even when we don't always see the effects. 

This is true in your home, in your work place, with your friends, meeting a stranger, your interaction with the cashier at the grocery store. You have the ability to be a small (big) light in the spiritual darkness just by being who God has called you to be in the places that God has placed you, right where you are.

Comparison has only sharpened the lie that we ourselves are insignificant, don't matter, can't make a change, or that we don't have a voice. Others around you are not doing better, more important things than what God has YOU doing right now in your life. Comparison is that thief and liar!

Being light in a dark world is powerful. 

Don't devalue the light you are shining, even when you don't think you are shining bright.

You matter.

The Bank of Daddy

I'll never forget the day when Kyle and I were about 2 months away from getting married, we met after work and Kyle said, 'I think it's a good night to sit down and talk about where we both are financially.' I felt sick in my stomach at the thought of revealing my fiscal state. I stood there wishing it were pay day to sit down and have this discussion so he couldn't see how dire my affairs were. He asked if I wanted to go first or should he. I said I’d prefer he go first, of course, so he opened up every account he had. Then, he opened this crazy Excel spreadsheet with all kinds of tabs that he had made with graphs and figures of his financial goals. He already had invested in a few mutual funds, which thankfully, miraculously came out of hiding at times when we absolutely needed it later in marriage.  He had just cashed out one mutual fund to pay for my engagement ring in cash. Kyle was completely debt free at 25 years old. 

I had been taught my whole life to be financially responsible. My Dad and I went to listen to Dave Ramsey speak when I was in high school. My Dad taught me the ends and outs of good credit scores. I was always the money saver growing up. However, about a year before Kyle came along, I had walked out years of rebellion and God had pulled me from the lowest point of my life, and with it some bad financial decisions. I sat there with $6 in my bank account, 3 maxed out credit cards, and had just bought a brand new shiny candy apple red 2009 Honda Civic the previous year. Kyle couldn't believe that I had been living less than pay check to pay check the entire time we had been dating. I hid it from him well. That night, we mapped out a plan to get me back on track. I can now say my credit score is officially a few points higher than Kyle's...I say jokingly because that's absolutely ridiculous.

We live a debt free married life (minus our house).

I don't want to make this a sweet and pretty post about living debt free. It's hard. It's challenging. It takes discipline. It comes with overcoming coveting, loss of pride, we can't always keep up with the Joneses, or go out and do all the things we want to do, and the list can go on. We didn't always have the nicest house or cars. There were many a days I wish I was one of the cool Moms in the Collierville school car line with a new SUV or mini van. But on the positive side, we can also stand proud where we are today due to God's grace, a bit of suffering, and a bit of hard work. 

We're ten years into being married and over the years we have had to change the way we talk about money several times because it wasn't always working. Kyle and I are completely different. He has a very analytical engineer mind and I am very creative and emotional in the way I think through things. Every Saturday morning for the past 4 years, after Kyle lets me sleep in while making the kids chocolate chip pancakes, we sit down together at the kitchen table and talk about money and our weekly budget while the kids play and clean their rooms. Kyle uses his spreadsheets while I use old fashion pen, paper, and calculator. It's better for me to write down and see on paper what we are spending and to know where everything is going instead of just totaling everything up. Yet, after all these years, we have still managed to talk past each other when it comes to communicating our finances even though our goal has been the same. It wasn't until the past 2 months this new year, that we have finally clicked our communication hurdles discussing the budget. It took a same frustrated conversation about expenses and Kyle said the same thing he has always said, but in a completely different way that changed how I was reasoning. I've also taken up being in charge of the finances for the past 6 weeks. It has helped us connect better. These kinds of breakthroughs only help add more layers to our marriage.

All that to say, our kids see us communicating. They see us communicate every week. They see and hear us in some of our financial decisions and discussions. We are examples of financial stewardship to our kids. We want not only for them to be well educated and to walk closely with the Father, but have financial peace in their lives as they leave our nest as well. We try to be transparent when they have questions. We decided it would be a good idea for them to be more involved, not necessarily in our finances, but their own finances, in the small kid size amounts they have, like finances 101 on a kid level.

Around the age of 6 for our big kids, Kyle had a great idea and set up, the" Bank of Daddy." The kids were able to set up an account with any birthday money, money from chores, etc. Any amount they had, they could start. Kyle may have even given them $5 each to begin. The Bank of Daddy's purpose was to teach the kids the idea of saving and making good, kid size monetary decisions. 

To get the kids interested and excited about banking, Daddy offered an excessive interest rate. Kyle allotted a weekly 20% interest rate for all money deposited. The kids got excited putting small amounts of money in, only to watch it multiply quickly. Each week Daddy would emphasize how much interest each child earned, to the point there was some major disappointment when accounts were emptied for a toy that ended up not being as satisfying as expected. 

Kids need to see the pay off more visibly than we as adults to understand the concept, hence the large interest rate. It didn't take long for the kids to get excited to add more and more money. Our kids even got a little competitive about who had the most money every week. Esther wanted to be the first to save $100 so she would earn $20 in interest weekly. The kids were excited participating and saving.

The 20% weekly interest rate lasted a long bit until they started saving a significant amount. Once they started understanding the concept and saving, the interest rate then changed to 20% monthly in place of weekly. When they obtained $100, the interest rate changed to 5% monthly, which is where we standardly keep the rate now that the kids master the process and like to save.

Around the time the "Bank of Daddy" opened, we also started offering paid chore job days about every 6 weeks or so, where the kids had the opportunity to pick a job on a card with an amount of money listed to fulfill each job. They could pick and chose as many as they wanted. Tyler seemed to have the shorter attention span and would stop after about 2 jobs, which was completely okay. There was no pressure to the experience. The harder work paid off with higher earnings given in the end.

November 16, 2019- The big kids had the opportunity to shop jobs (outside their regular unpaid chores) today. Each job was based on approx time to accomplish, which equalled about $1/10 minutes of work. I should add that Norwex cloths make jobs easier for the kids especially for Windows and mirrors. I couldn't believe how into it they were and how hard they worked. We worked for several hours this morning while Daddy installed fence gates and picked up paint for my next project.

This concept began to expand their decision making on how they wanted to spend their money. Most kids want to spend money as quickly as they receive it, ours included, often burning a hole in their pocket, but with the kids seeing their money increase, they started making more educated decisions, weighing out if they really wanted to make a purchase or save and wait to buy something they wanted more later. Or if you were Esther, was it worth subtracting from the $100 goal. We would often help guide them by asking them questions if they thought they really wanted to make a questionable buy at the store, the one you know as a parent, is most likely going to be a complete waste a money, but if they still wanted to go ahead, we would let them.

There was one day at the store, Esther had made her $100 goal and started to spend a little. She was down to about half, but had her eye on this Rainbocorn toy. It just looked so awesome in her eyes, but when she got home and opened it, she was disappointed and instantly regretted her purchase. She was even more discouraged that she was down to a quarter of what she had in the bank. It was a great teaching moment and one we probably wouldn't have had if she didn't have a savings goal in mind. It would have just been money lost. 

This past year, Tyler went through a phase where he wanted to spend every single dollar he got, the moment he got it, even with interest, it had to be spent. Kyle challenged him not to buy anything until he reached $40. I felt like it was a steep decision to put on him since he's so young, but Tyler really took to it and felt proud of himself when he went on to reach $50. Since then, he has thought a little more intently before making a purchase, but still gives in, now and then. He has such a gift love language; it makes it hard. His big feat recently was he saved to $100. He saw the value in his savings one day at the store and saw a new Lego Avengers set that he was desperate to have and he got to instantly come home with it, not Mommy & Daddy telling him maybe for his birthday or Christmas. It was all his for the taking.

We've noticed such mature buying decisions since implementing "The Bank of Daddy," which I didn't really expect, especially given their ages. Every Saturday when we open up our books and computer to start talking about money, the kids always race over to see how much they now have for the week, so they get to feel like they are involved in our money talks a little too. I let Kyle know any earnings or withdrawals on their accounts, so they can see their money at work. 

Recently, the big kids asked some big questions after they heard me listening to an episode of Dave Ramsey while I was folding laundry. We had a significant discussion on what it means to have debt. Kyle took it a step further and let them go into debt while playing the latest game of "Settlers of Catan." Kyle traded Esther a card as long as she promised to give her next 4 wheat cards. When the time came to pay the piper, she regretted her decisions. Tyler saw the strategy involved with the debt playing and said he would not do it at all. He came close to beating Daddy that game.

We are so proud of our kids making big kid decisions and wanting to learn. We only hope to add on to their financial education as they develop. Our next steps are to start teaching giving as they cultivate more maturity. 

Christmas Is Over, But It's Still A Wonderful Life

Every October, my husband and I kick off some old black and white film love with a few Alfred Hitchcock classics and other Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart favorites with good ole chili and pumpkin pie making. We also have our traditions like watching "Rear Window" on Halloween after a night out of trick or treating with the kids or watching "It's a Wonderful Life" every Christmas night. I'm ever more thankful that I found a husband who has a love for old classic movies as much as I do. This year we found a new holiday treasure, "Meet Me in St. Louis."

This year, there was something different about my Frank Capra favorite and it wasn't that I finally got to watch it in color. It's hard not to watch the ending of  'It's a Wonderful Life' without getting a little teary eyed, but this year, I found myself blubbering more and overwhelmed with emotions. Suddenly, it was as though I was George Bailey himself.  I felt overwhelmed with the love from all the people in my life who have loved me unconditionally. All their loving kindness set out before me like the heap of money before George Bailey. The love just didn't stop. Their love just kept overflowing in abundance. There were so many times I didn't know how to love back or even accept love, but it didn't matter, the dear ones in my life always seemed to outpour more of it. George, himself, was left with more in return than what he originally lacked.

Also in that same moment, I could feel all the lies of the enemy in my Motherhood. The ones that tell me I'm not enough, I'm too much, too impatient, lost my cool too many times, the many weights of Mom guilt that keep me awake at night. I watched as George Bailey always tried to do right by his family, but even in a moment of frustration and weakness, came home yelling to stop playing the piano and kicking over his office in frustration, but his family still saw him as good and whole. Those moments didn't define who he was as a husband or father, just as in the moments I lose myself, they don't define who I am. There are things I do that may be good or bad, but that doesn't make me good or bad. His family stood with him with pride and love because they knew who he was.

Over the course of the last decade, God has been sending so many people into my life to flood me with love. The intervals in which God has been sending people have come closer together to where it has met me square on and the scales/walls are finally being pulled from my heart.

Just this week, I had a friend drop by with a king cake (Mardi Gras). She's originally from New Orleans and she was excited to wish us a "Happy Feast of the Epiphany." Not only did I feel overwhelmed by the kindness of her gesture, but I knew God was loving on me in extension in that moment. She was so thoughtful to think of us while she was out shopping at the store, but also knowing it was God's way of saying He was thinking of me as the idea was whispered on her heart.  

God is in the moments of kindness. He is in those moments of love when we don't know how to understand them. I'm thankful He hasn't relented. 

There's a reason God tells us in His word that people will know us by our love or the greatest commandment is to love your neighbor. Love is what pursues the hearts of His people. Love has the power to change and convict.  Love can break through walls, chains, and bring us back into the Father heart of God. 

Loving others also teaches those who have never been exposed to the true attachment of love or what love is or looks like, it's weight. 

This Summer I went to an inner child healing/trauma workshop. On the first day they asked what are the three specific goals I would like to achieve from the workshop. My second answer was that I would understand and feel the depth of love. 

I learned through the workshop that I had a broken attachment growing up and it has been a source of disconnect for me. Through God's gracious healing and the overwhelming love of people around me, for the first time ever, I've been able to say I can feel love in genuine depths....sometimes I still don't understand it and I'm wanting earnestly to learn to give it back to others because it's been the uttermost beauty in my life. I would not be where I am in life today without the people who have surrounded us to make our life so wonderful. 

God is love and He uses each of us and our kindnesses to pursue the people around us. 

Love is our greatest giving power. Use it generously.