Catching Up, Life on Life

Priorities have taken a bit of a shift in our household. Maybe you have noticed my lack of blogging. Ha! God has been reformatting our household and most of all transforming me.

After a bout of some heavy postpartum depression, I am finally jumping into life again and it feels absolutely wonderful. I put on a good face so most don't know that I had been secretly hiding in a hole of postpartum blues. I knew for a while I was struggling, but it wasn't until I had a night out with a girl friend that I found myself falling apart on her couch in a pile of overwhelming anxiety that I realized it's depths. I could no longer compartmentalize my day, tasks, or if just one child started whining. I couldn't get on the floor to play and read to my kids and could barely get in the car to leave the house to go anywhere, even on a date with my hubs.

Coming out on the other side, God has met me with so much inspiration, delight, and increasing faith. I also don't want to mention the realizations that my babies are all GROWN. Ahhhh!  

Our niece, Crailey, sent us a picture of her rocking her twin baby dolls, coincidentally named Anna and Esther, btw. Out of the cute humor, I found my heart aching a bit. My girls, who weren't too far from those baby doll sizes you see, made me realize they were never going back to sweet newborn babies ever again. ::sniffles:: If this could only be consoled by the little man we have, literally, walking around the house (like the cutest waddling baby duck you have ever seen), but he too has decided he's a big guy. He is doing things, I think, my girls were doing when they were 15 months old.

Crailey with her twins, Anna & Esther. So cute!!

As for more big kid stuff, Anna & Esther moved into toddler beds, we lowered Ty's crib all the way down, traded the training potty for the real one, and the girls willingly gave up their bedtime passys in exchange for a Minnie Mouse toy. In the swap, they gathered up all of the passys out of their beds, took them to put in the mailbox with Daddy, who magically sent them to Indonesia with 3 knocks, taps, and a holler, and when looking back inside, the passys had disappeared. They waved, "Bye bye, passy," as they walked away. Ahhhh....big girls!

Big inspirations and joy have come in being a wife. God has shown me where I have been compromising my priorities as a mate. It's easy to lose focus in the infant and toddler stages since they depend on me for almost everything. I started losing sight of affirming my husband on a daily basis and unintentionally forgetting his basic love needs (i.e respect, companionship, intimacy). I have to admit, I was rather prideful thinking I was a pretty awesome wife in these areas until I was challenged reading Ephesians 5:33 (Amplified Version):

However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly] 

I started looking at my husband with new eyes. Ones that are rather infatuated with him all over again. During the day, I find myself admiring and thinking about all the different aspects I love about him. It changes my perspective so that I am not in full kiddo mode all the time. It renews my tone, how I relate and respond to him, and prioritizing my hubs in my daily routine.

Philippians 4:8: "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." 

And my husband certainly is those things!

On another priority shift note, my quiet time with the Lord has become of most importance. After Tyler was born, I put it on the back burner. I selfishly felt like if I could hardly get a second of "me" time, then I didn't want to spend any extra moments of what I could have to myself in that sacred place. I forgot and lost sight of how fulfilling He alone can make me.

My new rule of thumb: no Facebook, Pinterest, Blogging, checking messages/emails, or working on pictures (the photographer in me) until I have spent quality time in the Word with the Holy Spirit. 

If I don't happen to get the time during the day, then I retreat from my hubby time about 40 minutes before bed for an uninterrupted period. If I'm not right with the Lord, then I'm not going to be right with my husband in our marriage.

It's amazing how much time all the sudden just opens from the sky. Ha! I have somewhat applied the same rule to time with my kiddos, household chores, and husband time. It's interesting how much of social media have become a distraction in our lives and we don't even pay attention to it. It's so subtle.

We have also amended our prayer time together as a couple. No longer do my husband and I pray together before bed in bed, but instead have carved out more intentional prayer at what we now call our "prayer couch" in our room before getting in bed. This intimate time has become one of my favorite parts of the day. It's no longer rushed for us to beat our drooping eyelids but has created such sweet heart to heart moments after a busy day. Before we start, we snuggle up and my husband usually starts out asking me questions like:

• What's on your heart today?
• What are you worried about?
• What are you struggling with?
• What made you the happiest today?

It is truly a cherished time with my Beloved before going to the Throne Room. It creates time for us to learn and know the other's heart and fine tuning them towards the Father's. 

In our prayer time, we have found ourselves requesting for an increased faith. It's incredible what The Word says we can do with just a minuscule mustard seed of faith, but yet it's one of the hardest things to obtain, so we thought why not ask the Father to teach us to have more. I have to admit, it is kind of scary to ask for immeasurably more faith, but thinking of the Hillsong United Song, "Oceans," that's where I want to be:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

The Lord has been so gracious with all His goodness He has bestowed, but it's not all butterflies and rainbows. He challenges me constantly to become better and closer to Him. Becoming His comes with a price of dying to self, tendencies, mindsets, and exposing new sins. Ouch! The sins I have been trying to repeatedly overcome, The Lord has ultimately put His foot down with choices to follow Him and His heart. 

It makes me think when Jesus asked his disciples to instantly leave their lives and what they were doing in that moment to follow Him. In my sin, am I going to hold on to my pride, self righteousness, and unforgiveness of others or am I going to get up, leave it behind, and follow Him? Yikes! 

The alterations in our household have been so gratifying. Being able to function again as a wife, mom, and person is something I am praising the Lord for every day right now. As I smelled the fresh, salty air on our beach getaway with my family last week, it made me instantly realize how far we have come since this hard, never-ending winter. His grace is sufficient.