10 Things I Wish I Had Learned Sooner

Recently, I stepped away from a job I loved, a role that felt like family and part of my identity.

For this season, I felt called to put my feet back in my home and lean fully into motherhood again. While I don't regret that decision, I've had to work through the loss of identity that came with it.

Some days feel like Groundhog Day all over again, dishes, laundry, chauffer Mom, dinner, repeat. Motherhood is the most meaningful work of my life, but it can also be surprisingly isolating if you don't intentionally fill it with people, purpose, and connection.

This morning, I sat down wondering if  I had anything worth sharing. Then, I was challenged to write 10 Things I wish someone would have told me sooner. 

Five Minutes later, this is what came out:

1. Boundaries are your friend. Walls are protection not connection. Boundaries teach others how to treat you and love you. The hardest part will be learning to stand firmly behind them, but peace will follow, resentments and anger learn to fall away. You will find self respect again.

2. My voice is the most powerful tool in my box. Stop letting others squelch it. Stop appeasing others at the cost of self erasure.

3. Let go & try new things. I will find I'm good at so many things, which will only lead me to growing in confidence and have more fun...live the life you were meant to have all along.

4. Everything I do now is shaping the next decade. 

My health, working out, routines, relationships, parenting, finances, every bit of it are seeds into the future. My 30s are now playing into my 40s, and what I'm doing in my 40s is planting seeds for my 50s, and so on. If I am investing in healthy eating, getting in movement and flexibility, being good stewards of our money, how we parent and love our kids, are all going to affect more than just today. Solving today is pouring over into the next decades of our lives.

5. Our children are our greatest treasure. My motherhood is creating my children's childhood. The ordinary moments that feel small today are becoming the memories they'll carry tomorrow. Watching them grow has been one of the greatest joys of my life. I get the privilege of loving them in ways I didn't always experience myself, and there is something beautiful about watching those seeds take root and bloom.

6. Learning to love yourself matters. The way I talk to myself becomes the way my children learn to talk to themselves. Learning to love myself has never come naturally, but learning to love myself isn't selfish; It's one of the greatest gifts I can give my children.

Reminder to self: your children are half you and your children are so easy to love, so what does that make you? 

7. Daily walks with my husband is the newest best thing that entered our marriage outside of prayer. It's uninterrupted time from kids, phones, distractions where we can share about our day, our struggles, what God is speaking us through our daily Bible reading. It's been the best way to connect.

Also adding our schedule, budget, and life chats every Saturday morning at the kitchen table has been a staple in our marriage since the kids were little. It keeps us on the same page, most of the time. We pull out our budget, calendars, and lists for important discussion after Breakfast on Saturday mornings. The kids hear us talk together, get on the same page, and sometimes work through different ideas. It's healthy for them to see communicate with each other when it's easy and difficult.

8. Healing myself is healing my kids, hopefully extending down to grandkids. Our children are our greatest legacy.

9. Community is the biggest missing piece of your life, if you don't have it. Iron sharpens iron. Community changed the trajectory of our lives. God uses His Word, but He also uses His people. Friends, mentors, and small groups have helped us see blind spots, challenged us to grow, and pointed us back to Jesus when we needed it most. 

10. Intentional parenting is your biggest tool. Your job isn't to control your children. Your job is to aim them. One day your children will make their own choices. They won't follow every path you imagined, and they won't always hit the exact target you envisioned. But intentional parenting helps point the arrow. 

The goal isn't perfect parenting. The goal is connection. It's being present, engaged, and intentional while they're under your roof. Then, little by little, you loosen your grip and trust God with the rest. 

Parenting is a long process of guiding, releasing, and praying.