Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Never Chasing Now

Almost 5 years into marriage and from moving into our home and you will find our house has yet to be decorated. I'm an aspiring photographer with a hard drive full of the cutest photos of our kids, but yet not one to grace our walls. I keep putting off my nesting instincts as we plan to remodel the e.n.t.i.r.e. house within the next year ::fingers crossed:: and I'm sure to change everything, but I'm dying to make this nest cozy, remodeled or not! So last Saturday, I decided we needed to hit up some neighborhood sales in our area for all kinds of wall goodies on a dime, which then turned into Hobby Lobby spending to accent the items I bought. Ha!

I had a plan. A plan to fit in as many sales in these 2 neighborhoods in the most skillful of time. I wanted to get and go home to enjoy the rest of our Saturday activities. One of these neighborhood sales happened to be in my in-laws neighborhood. The hubs wanted to visit their house first for coffee. After arriving, the kids could not be parted from Mimi & Papa's so the two of us ended up walking to each sale together. 5 minutes in and I was already discontent. Of course, that's when my hubs likes to chime in with his brilliant, loving wisdom:
 'Stop trying to chase the next thing. Enjoy this time we have alone together right now without the kids. It's not often we get these moments.'

After a few minutes of soaking in the fact he was right, I laid my expectations down and we had a great walk. It ended up being my favorite part of the day.

Had he not shared his perspective, would I have been able to see through the morning just as clearly?

So many times, that's all I (hemmm, hemmm, we) do. I'm always trying to chase the next thing. It can be in big or small ways. It can be waiting to make it to the weekend or that fabulous beach trip next month. Or I'll finally enjoy my house and making it home-y when it's all remodeled and pretty. Or I will only be happy when I can lose the rest of my goal weight and look fabulous again pre-baby era (but with the added curves).

As a SAHM, I often notice the enemy thwarting my ministry as a Mom. He messes with my contentment and tells me 'I'm not significant' and that 'I'm not doing anything of worth.' 'Look at that Mom who can go to work and come home, she's more fulfilled, rounded, and accomplished.' 'One day you can do something valuable too.' These lies cloud my vision. It deflects the most important accomplishments I have in front of me.

On those long, tiring days, where I'm just frustrated and spent, the enemy notoriously, like clockwork, comes along and tells me once again, 'I'm not significant,' 'Way to go on losing your patience with the kids, you need to learn to be a better Mom,' and with that I drop the ball on my Mom joy adventures. I find myself beginning to chase the next thing.
When the kids get bigger, I can do this...
                                             I'll be good at...
                                                 and accomplish this...
                                                            I can finally serve in my church & community...
                                                                          I'll start this ministry....
                                                                                    I'll be able to make a difference doing....

Sure, those thoughts are great aspirations and shouldn't be discounted. I'm a dreamer at heart and know they are God given, but I can't let them wish away the precious time I am currently living out.

I think Jen Hatmaker said it best in her new book, "For the Love:"

"To the Mama at home with a bunch of littles, you can live a life worthy right now. Your calling is today. God makes you worthy as you desire goodness for your children, meeting needs and nurturing little souls. No future calling is any more important than your current station. Every good, meaningful possibility is yours today."

I have to be able to chase today. I need to be aware of what the Lord is doing and has for me now in the present. This stage is as important as the next season.

A couple weeks ago, I received a note from a lady in our small group. It absolutely filled me to the brim. I want to share her words because they are just too good and puts everything into perspective:

"Dear Ashley,
        I wanted to write to simply encourage you! It seems not that long ago that I was in your stage of life, a tiring stage. In that place, it is hard to see beyond the day. Let me promise you the time and love you are sowing into your children...a harvest will be reaped! They will reap such confidence and a sure foundation. As you love them and teach them of Jesus as you walk with them daily you are imparting far more than you can realize from where you sit today. I will never regret one moment that I stayed home with my kids. We had less stuff and did without things others had. But now I am overwhelmed by the people my children have become. God has done a work in each of their hearts. The work is His alone but He granted that our home be a place of futile soil for the gospel to take root and grow. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus and love those babies well! Before long your time will be more your own... I promise." 

Did her loving words wash over you the same as they did me? 

Gosh, how many times am I already ahead of the crop trying to reap the harvest. I'm not stopping to invest in the worthwhile moments. This also goes the same for how we invest our time, the choices we are make, or steward the things God has already given us. I've been so convicted on every one of these levels lately, not just with being a Mom.

(Or how we don't have the prettiest house on the block because we do choose to make sacrifices for me to be able to stay home with the kids and to pour into their souls. It puts contentment in it's place.) 

Some days may not seem significant when I am living the SAHM dream day after day, but I am imparting much to my kids. It is in those small seemingly insignificant moments or small acts of just talking with our kids or reading them a Bible story over lunch and asking questions. 

All of our small moments add up to a lifetime.

This time, whether with my kids, the food I eat, the words I speak, the relationships I make, the Facebook time I take, or the money I spend, these are all things that God has entrusted to each and every one of us. He is trusting us with our now moments to enjoy with Him, to reap, and to harvest. We just need to soak up our day and see what the Lord has in it. It is not to be wished away to chase tomorrow.



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