VHS Tape

What does complete surrender and reckless abandonment look like?
What does it look like when God blows open my paradigm of expectations and boxes I have confined Him in?

These are some questions I have been pondering in my own life. There seems to be a lot stirring around spiritually and some serious [spiritual] heart surgery taking place.

Many of us can remember the VHS tape.You could watch and record your favorite movies. It was awesome. You thought it couldn't get any better than that. Then, many years later the DVD was introduced along with Blue-Ray, and now Ta-Daa, there's Amazon Instant Video. You can get almost any movie streaming instantly in your home, phone, or tablet with the push of a button.

Sometimes we can end up making God like the VHS tape and stick Him in the box. We find ourselves getting comfortable and complacent. We are happy with the way things are or with what He is doing in our lives and don't think it can get any better than our current circumstance. And honestly, a lot of us think God just can't do the impossible things. We limit His infinite power, resources, glory, and might.  

I totally caught myself doing that this week. My husband mentioned one of the couples in our church who own an orphanage in Kenya. I was totally blown away by the idea and caught myself wanting to put it in my Book of Possibilities to do one day. But then, how could I possibly do that along with the all the other things we have dreams of doing like marriage counseling to others, service/missions, a dress shoppe, enjoying all my kids and their families in the same spot, and with the resources we have, etc.

H.E.L.L.O...I have an AWESOME GOD! 

I put him in a box! Who says I can't do it all! Sure, some things may not happen, like the Betamax. Haha! God may have far and better ministry opportunities than I have imagined. But these desires that God is inspiring do not all have to happen at the same point and time in my life. Each may call forth their own season. They all have their place, working their way up to the next big thing. God will surprise me all along the way in the journey I never thought possible. It will be like abandoning that old VHS for Insta. Mind - Blown!

But in the same sentence, do I know how or what it looks like to live completely surrendered and follow in reckless, blind abandonment. Saying, "Yes, God!" to all of His callings.

Sure, in my mind, I say, 'That's easy. Of course, God.' But when I think how the disciples just dropped everything they had, knew, and owned to follow Jesus when called, "Come and follow me," I'm struggling.

My husband was presented with a possible job promotion over the last week. It would require us to move from our snugly comfort zone of life and home. I found myself saying, "I will go here, but I won't go there." I was putting limits on what God was putting on the table. It may not be what I envisioned, what I wanted, what I looked forward to, and may have ultimately been really challenging, but....

                                                                         where has God failed me yet???

No, we aren't moving. It looks like we are still staying here for another season, but it was a good test of my heart strings. I have work to do. I want and must be in total surrender to His perfect will and calling at all times. There won't always be a warning process. He may instantly want my, 'Yes, God.'

God has bestowed us with many opportunities, talents, gifts, favor, wealth, etc. He doesn't expect us to selfishly keep it all for ourselves in our own boxes as well. He wants us to impart it, share it with everyone around us. He is embracing us with heart choices. Choices of saying, "Yes!"

And in turn, God will blow open our small box in our small mind of what He looks like, His Glory and Power, and give us a much BIGGER picture of WHO HE IS.

My Champagne Cup

I have been a camel in the desert since bringing home our new little guy from the hospital. Trying to balance life with a newborn and twins under the age of 2 has been quite the challenge. Now that we are 4 months in, we are getting the hang of things and starting to glide, but I can tell you for sure, my reservoir has been left
empty...

            lifeless...

                        depleted...

Motherhood is not to be taken lightly. It is an extreme dying of self. Sleep, privacy, sanity...it's all gone. Some days you lose yourself in the diapers, feedings, fussing, refereeing, etc. It's easy to forget there's a person under that mouth wiped on, snot and tears stained shirt. 

In some ways, I have lost sight of my true identity (or it could just be my DNA unraveling at the seams from so many sleepless nights. Ha!). It really took God softening my heart this past week for me to cave in. I have to be strong and sufficient for so many people (well, 3 little people and one big one). I rely on myself for everyone. There is no room for me to let my guard down to let Jesus in to take over when I'm falling to pieces.

I saw a vision of myself in the way God sees me, even as a Mother: I was His little toddler. I was still full of sweet and innocence, running and falling at the feet of my Father. It was like picturing myself in the form of my little Anna running into my arms. He put His arms around me as I buried my tears in His lap. 

I need him. I'm still His little girl. I'm not this strong tough Mom guiding my way through all on my own. I'm more to Him than that.

It didn't take long after that for the Lord to show me the error of my ways. Our teaching pastor at church has been the fire the last few weeks. I'm talking, pruning some major branches here (John 15:2). He gave the perfect illustration: If I picture myself as a pitcher of water and sitting out are all my cups, each cup resembling everything I pour myself into (marriage, children, work, small group, activities, service, household chores, God, etc.), then pouring myself into each one and leaving whatever small drops I have left for God is all wrong. Even if I am majorly pouring most of myself into the "God" cup and still pouring small drops into all my other cups...it's still all wrong. 

He went further to picture that we need to be like a champagne glass fountain, like the ones you see at wedding receptions. I need to be pouring all of myself into just one cup. The "God" cup, the one cup at the very top of the fountain that overflows and cascades down and out into all the other cups. Not only is it beautiful but it all works together in perfect alignment without any cups going dry. God will fill my cups overflowing in everything I do if I give myself and everything I have to Him. 

Beautiful. 

Life and motherhood simplified with just ONE glass- God.

2 x 2 x 2 [Birthday Edition]

We had TWO celebrations for TWO very special girls who turned TWO years old!

We began this past week with a small family birthday party! And ended the week with a NICU reunion celebration at the hospital for Esther, which coincidentally was held a day after her release date just 2 years ago!

Pink & Purple Party!

The Decorations

The Fun 

The Party Guests!

NICU Reunion Celebration!

Celebrating our little NICU graduate, Esther, with a petting zoo and games at the hospital. We had fun riding a horse, brushing the llama, petting the bunnies, and feeding the goats. We also got to sit and eat our favorite snacks with Mommy and Daddy after taking our measurements and making hand prints in keepsake clay to see how much we have grown.

 Back from where we started...

(Above) Esther's release date to go home, Oct. 4, 2011 / (Below) NICU Reunion Oct. 5, 2013

Animal Fair

Happy 2nd Birthday, Anna & Esther!
We love you and the delight you bring to our lives!

George Bailey For A Day

Have you ever had one of those George Bailey moments from the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life," where you know you have forever impacted the lives of others? I was thinking tonight I don't know how to answer that question for myself. But on the other hand, without a George Bailey in my life, I could have easily become a combination of a "Violet" or "Mary" in George's scenario of never being born. I would have maybe always been searching for myself and what I wanted and longed for like Violet and ending up all alone like Mary.

I still remember the day. I went in to get my haircut. My hair was long and boring with what she called it, "the butt cut," where the hair is parted straight down the middle. Ha! I was her last client of the day. We had conversation as she transformed my hair but nothing like the, 'whoa, we click.' moment. To this day, I will never know what it was, but as we walked out to our cars together, she said, 'We should hang out sometime!' I was stunned by the words. This 'too cool for skool' chick was asking the most dull person in her salon that day to hang out with her. It was also something I hadn't heard in a very long time.

I was a wilted flower. I had just ended a very long unhealthy relationship and was emotionally burnt out. I lacked any kind of confidence in myself or inner beauty. I was already searching, but not knowing where or how to start my new journey with Christ I had just begun.

After hanging out a few times, she soon started to take me under her wing. No agenda. It wasn't long before she was discipling me simply by teaching life on life. She was an extended hand of the Father to help guide me where He was leading.

She set my feet firm at the start line and pushed me forward to follow the Lord. I went running! I learned how to truly desire the Lord. I gained confidence in my identity in Him. She instilled Biblical womanhood values in me and how to be a good wife before ever meeting my future husband. We became close friends.

Christ alone can only receive all the credit for my life, but He does want us to be an extension of Him. He wants us to be his hands and feet. Serving others in brotherly love.

My life changed simply by going to get my haircut with a hairdresser who knew His heart.

So what does this mean for me?
It means I need to be open. I need to be in connection and in fellowship with the Father.

When I'm out at the grocery store, the line in Starbucks, or at the park with my kids, I don't need to be so self focused that I forget to interact with the people around me. Encouraging those I come in contact with or being something they need just that moment. What does that look like?

Sure, I may not be gaining a Timothy (Paul discipled Timothy before sending him out to do the same) with each encounter, but I can leave behind seeds of love. I can be a George Bailey in someone's day. Or even maybe a lifetime and generations to follow.

God transformed my life and hair with just one cut! 

The Miley in Me

It's been a couple weeks now since Miley Cyrus' jaw dropping performance at the VMA's and she still remains to be one of the most talked about people. Tweeted, Facebooked, and blogged about, I, too, have found myself delving into the what seems to be a train wreck or one of the most brilliant publicity ploys ever. There has been a great deal of judgement, harsh opinions, and open letters over the singer's behavior, which is somewhat justifiably due to the numerous teen girls in the country that look to Miley as a role model. Strangely, I find myself identifying with the pop star.

This Hannah Montana "no more" is arriving at her early 20's. I don't know about you, but my early 20's didn't look much less appealing than any one of Miley's recent performances. Sure, I might not have been poised naked on a wrecking ball or twerking with Beetlejuice, but my life didn't look anything like what it does today.

I was a mess in my early adulthood era. It was plagued with all kinds of doubt to my identity, bad decision making, immaturity, irresponsibility, and an ugly and hurtful 6 year relationship I had no business being in. I was trying to find myself but instead lost myself. Friends and colleagues often wondered where my old self had vacated to, I was empty and searching for something to fill me. To this day, I still look back and wonder who in the world was that girl. She sure wasn't me. It's like looking at the Miley in me.

You see, Miley and I are one in the same. Her sins aren't any greater or worse than mine. She may be exemplifying all the wrong choices while trying to find her way, but like Miley, some of us can be a little more extreme that others when it comes to finding ourselves in our rebellion. But really, it makes no difference to Christ. It's all the same sin in His eyes and it doesn't make her have any less chance of being His daughter in the Kingdom. It's what He gave his life for.

Beauty for Ashes! It all becomes part of God's beautiful story to glorify Himself in the end. We are a beautiful story! And sometimes, a beautiful mess.          

The difference is surrendering and giving Christ the opportunity to take over our lives and heart and make a right relationship with Him. God took hold of me along with every one of my bad decisions and covered me with His love, mercy, grace, forgiveness and overwhelming kindness. He guided and restored me back to a place of righteousness. Without Him, I would still be wandering.

Every single one of us is broken. Miley is no different. No different than me. I'm only separated from the Miley in me by my encounter with the Father and His continual love and forgiveness to wipe me clean.

Instead of judging a person full of sin, look at them as empty of Christ. How are we to love them towards the Father? 

One Month And Already a Lifetime

Our little Tyler had a One Month Birthday this week!

And was inaugurated into our Family Bible we received on our one year anniversary.

We chose Psalm 84:10 for Tyler's official marking since his name means "Doorkeeper" or "Tile Maker."
"For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in
the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness."

Time has started to pick up it's pace again in the Adams' household. It seemed to slow down just a tad in the toddler zone, but it's full speed ahead again all too quickly. A month of days has approached itself in a what feels like a week, but in a sense feels like Baby Boy has been with us forever. 

Newborn sizes have already been replaced with the next size up, intentional smiles have shown their first glances when playing with Mommy, and two big sisters have decided that it's okay to show their displays of affection for the little guy instead of baby phobia.

The girls didn't acknowledge his existence too much for the first couple of weeks. Now, the girls can't come downstairs in the mornings without looking for Brother. Esther has proven to be my 'little mommy.' If Tyler starts crying and I don't immediately tend to him, Esther will care for him and rub his head to calm him until Mommy arrives. She is a big helper. Sometimes too much....she now tries to pick him up.

Tyler is an entirely different recipe than the girls. The most noticeable being the crazy dinosaur noises coming from his corner of the room at night; Terra Dactyl to be exact. Haha! He doesn't mind getting a bath, loves his head rubbed, and eats like a horse. Thankfully, Anna and Esther paved the way in breastfeeding. He is eating their amount combined; 4-5oz every 2-3 hours or some nights every hour and a half. Shew!!

We have yet another good baby, but have found that he is a little particular how he likes his love and care. Dirty pants must be changed immediately, room temperature breastmilk must be warmed to his liking, arms must be out for swaddling, there must be extra cushioning in bed, and positioning is not always the same. 

Yet on the other hand, he can be very laid back. He is very patient until you take advantage of it and can easily sleep through Big Sisters' screaming and loud play (well, for the exception of pots and pans). Those two qualities are obviously from his Daddy. 

And his best quality... he loves his Mommy the most. ;)

Our Baby Boy Is Here!

                                   Life & Parenthood just got a little more sweeter!
                                                                     Introducing our newest little addition...

Tyler Alexander Adams

Monday, June 17, 2013, 6:28pm

6 lbs 8 oz

20 1/4 inches

Every bit of PERFECT!

Little Tyler Feet! Eeeek!!!

Comfy at Home

Book of Possibilities Brunch

Last Saturday, I had the privilege of celebrating my friend, Beth's 32nd Birthday, with 7 other fabulous ladies for a breakfast brunch. This was not just any ordinary birthday brunch....it was a Book of Possibilities Creation Brunch. It's been a week later and I'm still thinking about it, being inspired, and being stirred to pray for other ladies' God given dreams! Not to mention, I think this would be a fabulous idea for my 30th birthday!

Beth's idea was inspired by the Queen Latifah movie, "Last Holiday" and the book "Dreaming with God" by Bill Johnson. The idea is combined with Georgia's (Last Holiday) book of possibilities that she chooses to start living out after being diagnosed with a terminal illness and putting a twist on it by being inspired/listening to God's heart and dreams for our lives.

After a yummy breakfast together, we sat down to a table full of magazines, scrapbooking goodness, craft supplies (not limited to neon glitter), and the Holy Spirit.

Beth shared some inspiring thoughts. One of them I remember from my dream blog, "If your dreams don't scare you, then they aren't big enough." She shared that it is never too late to start dreaming and that we could all could stand to dream more! Totally true! My friend, Star, then started us off with a question, "What is something that you have never done before?"

Immediately, I started thinking of a hot air balloon. As I was envisioning this idea, I started to question myself, 'Is this what the Holy Spirit really has in mind?' Then, the friend sitting next to me opened up with a dream she had that involved a hot air balloon. Boom! Confirmation! Thinking I would never find a picture of a hot air balloon in a magazine to cut out for my page, it all the sudden appeared while cutting something out for a marriage ministry dream.

God has all kinds of dreams for us! Ones that involve our every day world, ministry, creativity, imagination, life dreams, and yes, even hot air balloon rides! We just have to tap into His heart and collaborate with His dreams and plans for our lives. They are dreams and possibilities bigger than we can imagine for ourselves. It's exhilarating and beautiful, but can be a bit scary, daring, and out of our comfort zones at the same time.

"No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you." (John 15:15)

If I look at the big picture of what God is inspiring me to do and has planned out for me...it's a bit scary to think that God has given me that kind of potential inside myself. The books we started creating are works in progress. We will be adding more to our books as the Holy Spirit downloads ideas to our hearts and life. And not only will we be adding, but we will be doing. The books are inspiration to actions lead out by His perfect timing and will in our lives. Beautiful!

Picture of my dream pages here soon!

My husband took them out of town with him. Haha!

Color, Birds, Romance

My favorite blogs to write are the inspiring ones where God talks to me through my everyday experiences. God is always teaching and whispering on my heart. This week I feel like God has just been whispering...'Enjoy Me!, Enjoy these moments!, Soak Me up and worship.'

The idea couldn't be more perfect as it is winding down the last few weeks of being just us girlies during the day before our Baby Boy arrives. But there seemed to be an underlying theme of color and birds intertwined with God's romance.

At the start of the week, I was thinking. I wonder if God's favorite colors are Blue and Green. If you look around at His creations: the grass, trees, plants are all green. And blue makes up most of the earth with the waters and the sky! Even little Robin eggs are blue. Then, thinking deeper...every color we see and excites us was created with God's amazing imagination put into existence. Whoa...totally time to get awed away by the Father!

A couple days later, Anna put on my crazy colored footed socks, which looked like tube socks on her little legs. She was a true Rainbow Brite in the making. I couldn't help but enjoy her crazy personality coming out. She has such a creative side, which we all know comes from me! :) But where did I get my creativity...totally from the Father's heart, just as she did. Enjoying my silly little girl as she took joy in socks made me realize how much the Father enjoys me too. I'm totally on His heart. I'm not overlooked by the two cute little stinkers that are pieces of my heart running around on the outside. Since becoming a Mother, I tend to get overshadowed by their sweet bundle of cuteness and even overlook myself as well. It just naturally happens that way, but God hasn't overlooked any piece of me. 

We have played outside a lot this week. It's been gorgeous out in the mornings with a slight breeze. As I sat on our porch swing, with my feet up, watching the girls play with the breeze touching my skin and hair, it somehow felt wrapped up with a breeze of  His presence. It took me back to His romance in my childhood. He was reminiscing with me and lovin' on me all at once. As I breathed in the moments, I wondered how God would romance my girls through their childhood. Would they notice? Would they soak Him in as I did? Would it be similar? Sharing the romance of His presence totally made those moments as we played ball, blocks, or just sitting next to the slide while they took turns handing out high fives after sliding down just that much more sweeter.

If you have ever read the book, "Captivating" by John & Stasi Eldridge, in Chapter 7, "Romanced," Stasi talked about how she longed to be romanced by the Father as He did her husband with the whales on one of their trips to the beach. Instead, a couple days later, she got hundreds and hundreds of colorful starfish. A sight and experience designed just for her alone by the Father. He wanted to reveal His heart and love for her. God has romanced me in the past with birds. It wasn't until I was married that my husband unveiled God's full meaning for romancing me with this gesture.

Just as my girls started to discover the birds landing in our yard and trying to run after them this past week, we had a Blue Jay family take nest in our tree. As I spot the blue bird couple out our window almost every where I turn, I couldn't help but think we are having a boy and adding blue to our household just as these gorgeous blue birds have taken nest at our home. God mentions the birds of the air in His Word*.

Every encounter, I learn more of the Father's heart. He made this week much more precious and memorable just by sharing in our every day.

*Matthew 6:26, Matthew 10:29, Job 38:41, Psalm 50:11, Psalm 104:24, Psalm 147:9

Mommy Blues and Fresh Perspectives

Recently, I got to have some much needed girl time with one of my best friends. Our conversations usually center around what God is doing in our lives...and I can tell you that we end up in a time warp. Five hours can go by like it was two before it's so late that my husband usually texts her to tell her to send home his overly tired pregnant wife. Haha!

I shared with her how I have been in a Mommy funk or what I like to call the "Mommy Blues." It's been hard being at home and not being able to participate in all the things I want to do, see all the friends I want to spend time with, and just generally, being kind of lonely in toddler world. I can't remember the last time I had a break and it's been a couple months since I have had a date with my husband.

My mornings have looked a little like this every day this week: In the first 5 minutes the girls are up while I am getting breakfast together, the girls go straight to the bathroom, throw my clothes and suede boots into the bathtub and turn on the water. While digging out the soggy mess, they run to the next room pouring out all the seasonings my husband left out on the table, all over the floor including pouring salt on the raisins they are eating and having a meltdown because I throw them away.

Or changing Anna's diaper only to have Esther slinging baby food all over the carpet and while scrubbing and "Resolving" the mess, I find Anna is pouring laundry detergent in the litter box and then trying to scoop the detergent back out into the detergent bucket. Ahhhhhh......

I have had an unspeakable joy through these Mommy times. I love it so! The normal Mommy days just don't get to me. I can store up gladness like a camel and carry through. But my reserve has started to dry up. I'm thirsty. I'm so thirsty! I'm falling short by The Well. I'm unraveling....

My dear friend had all the fresh perspectives I needed to start changing it all around and to start living in the face of the Lord again. She reminded me that this is a season God has placed me in with purpose. Everything in this season is different and I can't compare it to the last. The people I'm pouring into looks different than I envisioned...I'm discipling two toddlers to grow up to go out and shine in the world. My worship and service has new and different aspects...changing diapers, feeding, comforting, singing songs and playing are all acts of worship unto the Lord. And until the kids get a little bigger and I can start having a little more freedom, God has Grace for me in this season.

She also suggested in my quiet time reading that I stick to the Psalms for a while. The Psalms record David's ups and downs... his joy, his anger, his praise, his sorrow, his crying out unto the Lord, his struggles...it's all there. Each day I have read, it's been like, 'Whoa! This is how I feel today.' It's like an outline to lay my feelings and circumstances at the alter of the Most High daily, moment by moment and not forgetting to worship in the mist of it all. The words meditate on my heart all day long. It's bringing back that joy aspect into my day.

We had some friends pray over my husband and I after our "Baby Sprinkle." My heart broke down as one prayed how I had walked out this past season alone in excellence, but this season isn't going to be repeated with our new baby. I will have more help, more friends stopping by to visit, boldness to ask friends for help, and the fullness of His joy will wash over me again...new, every day! I felt as though a portion of my plate of burdens was lifted right off my shoulders. God hasn't forgotten where He has placed me. He's about to start something new in my daily Mommyhood. Their sweet prayers spoke that I am the Lord's delight!

It wasn't until sharing my burdens in Small Group last night that I felt totally freed. The Lord took the last few scoops off my plate and took them all for Him to bare. Everything is changing and my heart is now light!

Sure, this morning, I indulged in a cup of chocolate pudding with my eggs, toast, and o.j out of pity for myself. Yesterday, I couldn't wait to escape out the door just for an hour dental appt that was 8 months over due. I look on with exasperation as I can no longer keep up with the girls, laundry, and dishes and am unsure if my house will ever be clean again. The nursery still isn't prepared for our new boy. And Kyle and I are holding our breath for my thoughtful Dad to visit next weekend to give us a date night....
One of the toughest weeks that looked like the end of me became a week I am filled again and being restored to my full Motherhood joy. I am exactly where God wants me to be.

Matthew 11: ²⁸Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

What 18 Months Looks Like

We have twins and somehow, I think this makes us a little interesting. Everyone wants to know what's going on in our world. Not to mention, everyone has lots of questions. :) 

The girls just turned 18 months old and my heart grows bigger every day. Twins are a very special gift. A joy only few get to experience. I'm so thankful God blessed us with more than I knew to ask for. 

Anna and Esther love climbing everything, exploring everything, and dancing around the kitchen to music with Momma while spinning around in circles until they fall down.

Reading books have replaced almost all toy play in the house. They sure didn't get that from me! Ha! We read the same handful of favorite books over and over all day long. Some books I want to hide after reading 100x, but my favorite part of reading one of their favorite books is near the end when the Mama kisses the Baby, the girls each give me a kiss too. I melt. :) When Esther reads by herself, she has a distinct reading voice. It seems like she is trying to mimic how I read to them. Her little mumbles pitch up and down really fast. I can't help but think it's the cutest thing ever! 

And although they both look alike, dress alike, share the same schedules, play with the same toys, tend to be extremely shy, and have infectious smiles and laughs, these two girls couldn't be more different in personality. They are not much alike in character at all. It's so fun to watch as they are learning to express themselves more and more. 

Esther Autumn

Weighing in at 23 lbs

and 31 inches tall

with 11 Teeth

This little bundle of mischievousness has become a big Daddy's Girl. It is so adorably cute. She follows her Daddy all around the house, gets excited when he comes home from work, talks about him during the day when he's not home, and tries to wear his shoes whenever they are found laying around. She is in almost every way just like him. I can't seem to find any qualities of myself in her at all. She is all Daddy! She is serious and reflective, a tease, a daredevil, more independent and quiet, and is always soaking in her surroundings and trying to figure out how everything works or goes together more than the average toddler. We think she has Kyle's genius engineer brain. :)  Her qualities tend to get herself in more trouble than Anna since she is always exploring and observing everything around her. 

Favorites:

Food: Tomatoes

Toy: Corn Popper and Little People Disney Princess Castle

Song: Ring-Around-the-Rosie

Book: "Little Loon & Papa" by Toni Buzzeo

Cat: Flopsey 

Favorite Esther Stories:

I gave my husband a new watch for our anniversary that he started wearing every day. Obviously, Esther has taken notice in a very short time. One day my husband forgot to put it on, when he got home from work, Esther excitedly greeted him, then ran straight to our bedroom to grab the watch off the nightstand, bringing it promptly to put in his hands. We were astonished!

The girls have a pink toy 4-wheeler that they got for their 1st birthday. Anna has taken ownership of it completely. She rides around on it all throughout the day. She never gives Esther a chance to ride it. If Esther tries, Anna will quickly come and push her off and take over. Esther has discovered this to be to her advantage. If Anna has something that Esther wants but Anna won't share, Esther will run over to get on the 4-wheeler. The result: Anna will drop what she has, run over, and get on the wheeler...leaving Esther with the prize. Haha! :)

Anna Elizabeth

Weighing in at 23 lbs

at 31 inches tall

with 10 Teeth

Anna has become quite the little ham and coming into her own. She's starting to express her goofy little personality more and more. She is starting to put tiny baby size sentences together. "Where you?," "What do you?," and "Out my way" are some of her newest additions. "Oh uh" still being my favorite. :) She makes cute little faces as she jibber-jabbers all through the day especially as she tries to communicate with us.

Unlike Esther, she is more like her Mommy. :) She already loves to draw and color! She loves our afternoon sensory/creative play activities the most (i.e. flour or rice play, water play, painting, pebbles w/cups bin). She will stay completely focused for at least an hour, which is abnormal for this huff-n-puff all go girl. She is all play and all talk all day long. Some of my family will appreciate this one: she is starting to develop a slight "bag lady" tendency I had around age 2. We will have to watch to see if it progresses. ;)

Favorites:

Food: Chicken Nuggets

Toy: Shopping Cart and Pink 4-Wheeler

Song: Itsy Bitsy Spider

Book: "Llama Llama Red Pajama" by Anna Dewdney
and "My Farm Friends" by Wendell Minor 

Cat: Bebes

Recent Favorite Anna Stories:
When Anna is in full form of hamming it up in front of everyone, she has developed a "duck walk" where she bends her knees as she walks, sometimes bobbing her head a bit. It's my favorite!

My Dad and his wife both work for Frito-Lay and Lance, so we always get a huge box full of chips and goodies whenever we have a visit with them. Just last week, we had a new assortment, which "Nina" had included animal cookies. Anna dumped out the entire box onto the floor, recognizing and picking out the cookies, and brought them to me, begging for me to open it to eat some. Haha! Smarty pants!

Love Muffin Date

Today, Mommy and Daddy had a lunch and zoo date with our two love muffins. 

 Our Zoo Membership is ending this month and with this beautiful day, we thought we should take advantage of it since new baby brother is coming soon. One of those bittersweet days of just the four of us.

Anna and Esther are such well behaved little ladies at the lunch table. I wouldn't expect this from my little 17 month olds, but their sweet little manners make my heart melt for it. 

Everyone was taking a bite at the same time. Thought it was rather priceless. As you can see Mommy/Baby Boy's plate had more food on it than anyone else's. Ha!

Then it was off to the Zoo!!!

After visiting the lions and tigers, we decided to head over to the Farm Petting Zoo. Esther quickly discovered the ducks!

And then there were two. Haha! I think they both agreed that the swimming ducks were their favorite animals of the zoo. We had to pry them away after a bit of watching.

We even had an awesome Seal encounter while giving pregnant Mommy a sit down break and having a snack. Anna made sure not to miss out on the action.

Esther got a close up too! She was a little hesitant and kept a little more distance between her and the seal.

We had to check out the pretty water fountain before leaving especially since photo Mommy wanted a couple more pics. No toddler cooperation for one though. No loss of expectation there. Ha!
 Esther wanted to play a little too close to the edge. I thought sure we were going to take home a soaked baby. Thankfully, it's only a foot of water and Daddy stayed close to catch her little fearless self.

Sweet day! Sweet memories!

Myrrh Poured Heart

The other day, I had a friend who posted the ever familiar Donna Lewis lyrics: "I love you, always forever. Near or far, Closer together."

It was truly God inspired as I was driving in the car yesterday, the tune popped into my head and I started singing along the famous words. "....Everywhere I will be with you. Everything I do will be for you." It was though God was saying, 'exactly my thoughts.'

You see, I have been struggling with sin separating issues of the heart. These roots can be deeply traced back into childhood. It's damages have resulted in bitterness and resentment causing rock hard layers to surround and squeeze out the God fruit.

My legalistic mindset tells me that God is angry and disappointed with me, that I'm not measuring up, and that God is sitting on the sidelines waiting for me to find freedom and release from these heart infestations all on my own before He will come back on the scene and enter back in. The legalism tells me I'm separated in all ways.

Reflecting on Song of Solomon 5, in the Art of Conflict, I remembered how deeply love moved my heart was in discovering how Solomon responded to his wife's closed heart.

² I slept, but my heart was awake,
    when I heard my lover knocking and calling:
“Open to me, my treasure, my darling,
    my dove, my perfect one.
My head is drenched with dew,
    my hair with the dampness of the night.”

³ But I responded,
“I have taken off my robe.
    Should I get dressed again?
I have washed my feet.
    Should I get them soiled?”

⁴ My lover tried to unlatch the door,
    and my heart thrilled within me.
⁵ I jumped up to open the door for my love,
    and my hands dripped with perfume.
My fingers dripped with lovely myrrh
    as I pulled back the bolt.

Solomon called out to her. God is calling out to me. Solomon wanted her to open her door and heart to him. God is sweetly doing the same to me. When she [I] responded, in dishonor. He responded by pouring "lovely" myrrh on her door. He was leaving "his calling card of love." He didn't respond in anger and disappointment.  

Truth is, it's only with God and His Supernatural love and forgiveness that I can receive heart surgery and move forward. He's right here even though I'm being separated by my flesh and doing the things that I do not want to do (Romans 8). God is pouring myrrh [love] and grace on my closed door of a heart and chiseling away at the brick layer over it to find that soft spot inside to bring freedom, healing, and a deeper connection with Him.

God is omniscient and can see me in the whole picture. He's not frustrated by my current struggles. He sees all of me, all the beauty, all we can overcome together, and He longs to be with me again in my Christ covered self. He sees what I look like when I come out on the other side. And I will be better than before. There are deeper layers of His heart to discover in this too.

Even after rejecting Solomon, he still tried to unlatch the door. Soon, his wife's heart became "thrilled within her" and she jumped up to open the door. Soon, I too will jump up to open the door and my hands and heart with be drenched with the myrrh of His gracious love.

I love you. Always. Forever. 
Near or Far, Push'em together!

Love is the Greatest

Happy Heart's Day, Everyone!

My hubs and I don't really celebrate Valentine's Day, although, he didn't hold back on bringing home a long love letter and my favorite bouquet of tulips the day before. Haha! I might be a little spoiled. But regardless, I can't help but to have learned to love the holiday. Maybe because now I'm an overly romanced wife or I'm a little partial to all the PINK and Hearts with my little toddler baby girls! :) 

Oh, did I mention that I love the little message heart candies too! 

I couldn't help to be inspired by the LOVE Day itself.

I think kids have an awesome idea of heart sharing on this holiday. It's not about just one person. They get excited about writing out their cards and/or goodies to all of their friends and can't wait to share them with everyone. They aren't thinking what they get in return, but are spoiled silly when they do.

I was also reminded that love is all about others and not just me me.

1 Corinthians 13 "If could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn't love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn't love others, I would be nothing. ³ If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would have gained nothing."

Then, if you read on to verse 4, it defines what love really is:

^4" Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

Some of those standards are pretty hefty when it comes down to it especially when it comes to loving others, but that's why we have to go to the One who created love in the first place. Without Him, we don't really know true love or can we give it away either. Because GOD IS LOVE. 

With God, we can unselfishly [childlike] love those people around us whether in candy heart form or in our actions. It's imperative in showing the greatest Valentine heart of all....God's! Love is WHO HE IS! 

Reflections of 2 Year Newbies (Part 2)

In case you missed Part 1, you can find it here: Reflections of 2 Year Newbies (Pt 1).

4. Expectations
One of the best pieces of wisdom we received was in pre-marriage counseling. We had no idea until marriage started playing out that it would be so true. We have found that almost 98% of all arguments, attitudes, and disappointments can be traced back to some kind of expectation that was not met by the other. With this wisdom, we are able to recognize and address issues quickly because we realize when we are upset that we are not really mad at the other, we are only disappointed with the specific unmet expectation.

Our marriage counselors also had each of us to write out our marriage expectations on paper before getting married so that we would be aware of each others presumptions and would both be on the same page. It was significant for me to understand what my husband expected of me as his wife. We still have our written expectations. We look back on them every now and then as reminders.

5. Forgive Easily and Ask for It
My husband is very good at asking for forgiveness when he disappoints me. It is rather humbling and I can't help but to immediately have a softened heart and forgive him.

In marriage, I always need more of this, especially as a woman. I think it is much easier, for us as women, to stand firm whether we are right or wrong. We also tend to keep quiet, hold on to a lists of grievances, and then explode later. This is me! But that's not love or marriage. We have to learn to forgive easily with that special grace we gently have. :)

Kindness leads to forgiveness. (Rom. 2:4)


6. Understanding Love Languages
Naturally, we have a tendency to love one another in the way we want to be loved, but it's not necessarily the best way to love the other. For example, it is exciting and thoughtful when my husband brings home flowers for me. However, I am pretty doubtful that my husband would get that same excitement if I brought him home a bouquet. :)

The same concept comes in understanding each other's Love Languages ["The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman]. Without it, we have found that the other person may not be receiving the love you are intending to pour out upon the other because it's in a way they don't understand. 

My love languages shifted a little after the babies were born. My husband recently discovered that my once not so love language of  "acts of service" changed with full time motherhood. Now, I feel extra love from him when he comes home from work on one of my exhausted days and he notices I need help. I would have never felt this love from him previously because, until now, it was not my love language.

I know my husband's love language is mostly physical, so I make sure to rub his arms often, hold his hand, and hug him plenty.... Oh, and kissing him just about every time we pass while doing our hum drum around the house. He eats it up. I want our marriage to be a buffet of the type of love he needs just as he wants the same for me.

Comprehending one's love language can also teach you how that person accepts forgiveness and it is easier to communicate properly

You can take the quiz free here to find out your Love Language: Gary Chapman's Love Language Quiz


7. Fox Hunt
It's imperative that we as a couple are always on the lookout for the enemy's chances to take hold of our marriage. He wants nothing more than to destroy it. There are always small holes where our defenses are down, where we aren't paying attention to things that can take root to cause deeper problems later. We call these things, "foxes."

Song of Solomon 2:15- "Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!"

Recently, for a small example, we made an observation that smartphones, computers, and the television were distracting us from each other. They were closing off much needed quality time and important communication with each other, so we banned those items in most of our routines so that we can focus on and enjoy one another.

"Foxes" are sly and deceitful, waiting to entangle themselves in our marriage at any moment. It's our responsibility to constantly be on the lookout and hunt out the unfruitful things taking stake in our marriage. If we are sensitive to the Spirit, He will guide us and help us to discern weak areas where He can make us a strong and stay strong in Him.


8. Defend One Another
You may not notice this one until it happens, but the moment my spouse doesn't defend me, I immediately feel betrayed. Having the confidence that my husband stands behind me no matter what, goes a long way. This applies to family, friends, and children. When in the wrong, he is still to defend me and I am to defend him, and correction may be made in private together (another piece of great wisdom from pre-marital counselors).

I also want to be held accountable and to never speak negatively of my husband to my girlfriends or even to my family. It's easy to start venting when spending time in the girl circle, but it is damaging! I am to respect my husband and defend his honor. My husband would never speak ill of me while hanging out with his guy friends. It gives me confidence in him and our marriage, same goes for him.

However, there are times of marital struggle and conflict, but you should have one or two accountability/mentoring relationships that you and your husband have agreed and sought out to go to for advice and to speak freely, but this accountability should be a place of wise council and voice into your marriage, not for the sole purpose of venting or gossip.


9. Womanly Spice (ahem...Intimacy)
Okay, okay...last one...

(My best piece of wisdom I can ever give you on the subject of a healthy, beautiful intimacy with your hubs is to read, "Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love Are You Making?" It's one of my all time favorite books/studies I have ever done.) 

Often times, marriage brings about a comfort zone for women that rarely comes out of it's shell. Remember when you were dating, it took you hours to get ready, prettied, and perfumed up for a date? I think a lot of us women tend to leave that special spice and charm at the marriage alter or especially when Motherhood adventures begin in a marriage. 

After a day of drool, spit up, and baby food showered over you, it's easy to forget your womanhood, trust me, I'm there.

I try to make it a point to go to bed pretty every so often (try once a week). I tend to do this more in the Summer to make up for the winter months when I like to "Seal Skin" it up since I am so cold natured. I was surprised how simple this is and how much my husband appreciates and loves it.

I also try to be careful not to reject my husband. This goes beyond the subject of sex. I want to be his "home" where he is always loved and accepted. I think these are qualities that are far overlooked in a marriage.

Psychology Today Magazine said it well, "Rejection by the person with whom we have pledged to share our life is much odder and more humiliating." 

Another form of rejection that is easy in this stage of Motherhood is to view my husband as just another kid, or someone I need to take care of, when he walks in the door from a long day at work. I get in a habit of ordering him around just like the kids with things to do or things that need to be done. I find myself going behind him to pick up, cook for, or even just meeting his needs intimately can seem like something else to check off the list of my duties. 

Let me say how unhealthy this pattern is. Momhood is e.x.h.a.u.s.t.i.n.g., but don't let this become a wedge in your marriage. My husband is not one of the kids, as obvious as that is. He's my help meet. He's my lover. I am to honor him. 

For me, I broke this cycle by thinking good thoughts about my husband throughout my days. I think about all the things I love about him, whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually while he is away at work during the day. It keeps the relationship in perspective and kind of in that infatuated state. It's easy to default to negative especially on a frustrating day and to think about the things he didn't do or what he's not doing right. Finding all those things you love, makes you look forward to the moment he walks in the door, lets you forgive more easily when he isn't that perfect man you thought you married, and more often than not, gears you up for some good luvin' after the kids hit the hay. ;) 

I am my Beloved's and he is mine. -Song of Solomon 6:3