Still Stepping Into the New

Some of you may know my story, some of you might just know bits and pieces of my story, and others may know none of it at all. I grew up in the church. Growing up I learned how to be a "good girl" and how to do all of the right things,  but I never learned how to have a real relationship with Jesus. I knew all the rights and wrongs. I knew the "Christian" stuff to do. I was always the "good girl." I even carried my Bible around in high school for everyone to see.  I thought I had to do those things in order to gain God's favor in some way or if I didn't do those things, I would be punished. 

I eventually stepped away altogether until about 4 years ago during one of my lowest points, I had an encounter with the Holy Spirit that changed me forever and I experienced His presence for the very first time. I had made a mess of my life and had made all the wrong decisions so much I couldn't recognize myself anymore. Ashley was gone. There is a lot that has happened since that amazing moment. Chains have been steadily falling off and I am constantly learning, growing, and moving forward. 

There are still things that I struggle with when it comes to doing things out of a religious heart. Reading my Bible is one of those "religious" struggles. I find that a lot of days, I do it because I'm supposed to. Some days I read through just to finish the day's allotted selected reading. Most days, I struggle with the desire to. There seems to be a loss of heart in the action.

For a while, my solution was to just not read it at all, but that was just as unsettling. I know I'm supposed to be diving in and staying grounded.

I also know I have accountability with my husband and sometimes with other friends. I also know it's still probably better for me to stay in the Word even though my motivations are askew. I believe God doesn't waste time even when I'm wrong. I prayed for a change of heart so many times. After all, I am hungry for it, so what's the problem?

A couple weeks ago, Kyle and I were on the way home from my Dad's house in Alabama. We were in the car listening to Bill Johnson from Bethel Church in Redding, California together. If you're up for the challenge of listening, you can find it here: The Art of Living Clean. It will fill you up, for sure! 

Bill spoke about how when he sits down to read the Word, he reads until the Lord speaks to his heart. He wasn't speaking of just a few verses, but portions of scripture. He said he does not want to go a day without hearing the Voice of the Lord. Whoa! 

He also spoke about how reading the Word filters through down in our lives and seems to re-calibrate all of our systems at one time. He used an example of dealing with resentment with another. When you read, the Word doesn't just speak to bitterness, it speaks to the issue of joy, love, patience, etc. The Word washes over and stirs up our hearts. 

There is something that happens when you get in the Word. God calls to us, woos us, and draws us in. And you allow Him to speak to your heart to draw you near. 

"The closer you draw to God, the less you can take with you." -Bill Johnson

How have my eyes not been opened before?! It seems so obvious! It changes everything.

Since this discovery, I have had more meaningful, intentional quiet times. I'm not just sitting down reading words on a page to get through what I'm "supposed" to be doing. I'm sitting down with the Almighty! I'm sitting down with His Living Words that are speaking into my life and heart. He has lots to share, more joy to fill me up, and ever so much more pruning. 

I have started to pick more intentional times during the day that allow me to be at rest, open, and allows more time for Him to speak. I want to be the most available to what He has in store. 

My quiet times are not so dreaded, not so rushed, my heart is open...waiting and anticipating what the Lord has to say! We have a living God who is speaking! I now have new ears to listen! :)