VHS Tape

What does complete surrender and reckless abandonment look like?
What does it look like when God blows open my paradigm of expectations and boxes I have confined Him in?

These are some questions I have been pondering in my own life. There seems to be a lot stirring around spiritually and some serious [spiritual] heart surgery taking place.

Many of us can remember the VHS tape.You could watch and record your favorite movies. It was awesome. You thought it couldn't get any better than that. Then, many years later the DVD was introduced along with Blue-Ray, and now Ta-Daa, there's Amazon Instant Video. You can get almost any movie streaming instantly in your home, phone, or tablet with the push of a button.

Sometimes we can end up making God like the VHS tape and stick Him in the box. We find ourselves getting comfortable and complacent. We are happy with the way things are or with what He is doing in our lives and don't think it can get any better than our current circumstance. And honestly, a lot of us think God just can't do the impossible things. We limit His infinite power, resources, glory, and might.  

I totally caught myself doing that this week. My husband mentioned one of the couples in our church who own an orphanage in Kenya. I was totally blown away by the idea and caught myself wanting to put it in my Book of Possibilities to do one day. But then, how could I possibly do that along with the all the other things we have dreams of doing like marriage counseling to others, service/missions, a dress shoppe, enjoying all my kids and their families in the same spot, and with the resources we have, etc.

H.E.L.L.O...I have an AWESOME GOD! 

I put him in a box! Who says I can't do it all! Sure, some things may not happen, like the Betamax. Haha! God may have far and better ministry opportunities than I have imagined. But these desires that God is inspiring do not all have to happen at the same point and time in my life. Each may call forth their own season. They all have their place, working their way up to the next big thing. God will surprise me all along the way in the journey I never thought possible. It will be like abandoning that old VHS for Insta. Mind - Blown!

But in the same sentence, do I know how or what it looks like to live completely surrendered and follow in reckless, blind abandonment. Saying, "Yes, God!" to all of His callings.

Sure, in my mind, I say, 'That's easy. Of course, God.' But when I think how the disciples just dropped everything they had, knew, and owned to follow Jesus when called, "Come and follow me," I'm struggling.

My husband was presented with a possible job promotion over the last week. It would require us to move from our snugly comfort zone of life and home. I found myself saying, "I will go here, but I won't go there." I was putting limits on what God was putting on the table. It may not be what I envisioned, what I wanted, what I looked forward to, and may have ultimately been really challenging, but....

                                                                         where has God failed me yet???

No, we aren't moving. It looks like we are still staying here for another season, but it was a good test of my heart strings. I have work to do. I want and must be in total surrender to His perfect will and calling at all times. There won't always be a warning process. He may instantly want my, 'Yes, God.'

God has bestowed us with many opportunities, talents, gifts, favor, wealth, etc. He doesn't expect us to selfishly keep it all for ourselves in our own boxes as well. He wants us to impart it, share it with everyone around us. He is embracing us with heart choices. Choices of saying, "Yes!"

And in turn, God will blow open our small box in our small mind of what He looks like, His Glory and Power, and give us a much BIGGER picture of WHO HE IS.

My Champagne Cup

I have been a camel in the desert since bringing home our new little guy from the hospital. Trying to balance life with a newborn and twins under the age of 2 has been quite the challenge. Now that we are 4 months in, we are getting the hang of things and starting to glide, but I can tell you for sure, my reservoir has been left
empty...

            lifeless...

                        depleted...

Motherhood is not to be taken lightly. It is an extreme dying of self. Sleep, privacy, sanity...it's all gone. Some days you lose yourself in the diapers, feedings, fussing, refereeing, etc. It's easy to forget there's a person under that mouth wiped on, snot and tears stained shirt. 

In some ways, I have lost sight of my true identity (or it could just be my DNA unraveling at the seams from so many sleepless nights. Ha!). It really took God softening my heart this past week for me to cave in. I have to be strong and sufficient for so many people (well, 3 little people and one big one). I rely on myself for everyone. There is no room for me to let my guard down to let Jesus in to take over when I'm falling to pieces.

I saw a vision of myself in the way God sees me, even as a Mother: I was His little toddler. I was still full of sweet and innocence, running and falling at the feet of my Father. It was like picturing myself in the form of my little Anna running into my arms. He put His arms around me as I buried my tears in His lap. 

I need him. I'm still His little girl. I'm not this strong tough Mom guiding my way through all on my own. I'm more to Him than that.

It didn't take long after that for the Lord to show me the error of my ways. Our teaching pastor at church has been the fire the last few weeks. I'm talking, pruning some major branches here (John 15:2). He gave the perfect illustration: If I picture myself as a pitcher of water and sitting out are all my cups, each cup resembling everything I pour myself into (marriage, children, work, small group, activities, service, household chores, God, etc.), then pouring myself into each one and leaving whatever small drops I have left for God is all wrong. Even if I am majorly pouring most of myself into the "God" cup and still pouring small drops into all my other cups...it's still all wrong. 

He went further to picture that we need to be like a champagne glass fountain, like the ones you see at wedding receptions. I need to be pouring all of myself into just one cup. The "God" cup, the one cup at the very top of the fountain that overflows and cascades down and out into all the other cups. Not only is it beautiful but it all works together in perfect alignment without any cups going dry. God will fill my cups overflowing in everything I do if I give myself and everything I have to Him. 

Beautiful. 

Life and motherhood simplified with just ONE glass- God.

2 x 2 x 2 [Birthday Edition]

We had TWO celebrations for TWO very special girls who turned TWO years old!

We began this past week with a small family birthday party! And ended the week with a NICU reunion celebration at the hospital for Esther, which coincidentally was held a day after her release date just 2 years ago!

Pink & Purple Party!

The Decorations

The Fun 

The Party Guests!

NICU Reunion Celebration!

Celebrating our little NICU graduate, Esther, with a petting zoo and games at the hospital. We had fun riding a horse, brushing the llama, petting the bunnies, and feeding the goats. We also got to sit and eat our favorite snacks with Mommy and Daddy after taking our measurements and making hand prints in keepsake clay to see how much we have grown.

 Back from where we started...

(Above) Esther's release date to go home, Oct. 4, 2011 / (Below) NICU Reunion Oct. 5, 2013

Animal Fair

Happy 2nd Birthday, Anna & Esther!
We love you and the delight you bring to our lives!

George Bailey For A Day

Have you ever had one of those George Bailey moments from the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life," where you know you have forever impacted the lives of others? I was thinking tonight I don't know how to answer that question for myself. But on the other hand, without a George Bailey in my life, I could have easily become a combination of a "Violet" or "Mary" in George's scenario of never being born. I would have maybe always been searching for myself and what I wanted and longed for like Violet and ending up all alone like Mary.

I still remember the day. I went in to get my haircut. My hair was long and boring with what she called it, "the butt cut," where the hair is parted straight down the middle. Ha! I was her last client of the day. We had conversation as she transformed my hair but nothing like the, 'whoa, we click.' moment. To this day, I will never know what it was, but as we walked out to our cars together, she said, 'We should hang out sometime!' I was stunned by the words. This 'too cool for skool' chick was asking the most dull person in her salon that day to hang out with her. It was also something I hadn't heard in a very long time.

I was a wilted flower. I had just ended a very long unhealthy relationship and was emotionally burnt out. I lacked any kind of confidence in myself or inner beauty. I was already searching, but not knowing where or how to start my new journey with Christ I had just begun.

After hanging out a few times, she soon started to take me under her wing. No agenda. It wasn't long before she was discipling me simply by teaching life on life. She was an extended hand of the Father to help guide me where He was leading.

She set my feet firm at the start line and pushed me forward to follow the Lord. I went running! I learned how to truly desire the Lord. I gained confidence in my identity in Him. She instilled Biblical womanhood values in me and how to be a good wife before ever meeting my future husband. We became close friends.

Christ alone can only receive all the credit for my life, but He does want us to be an extension of Him. He wants us to be his hands and feet. Serving others in brotherly love.

My life changed simply by going to get my haircut with a hairdresser who knew His heart.

So what does this mean for me?
It means I need to be open. I need to be in connection and in fellowship with the Father.

When I'm out at the grocery store, the line in Starbucks, or at the park with my kids, I don't need to be so self focused that I forget to interact with the people around me. Encouraging those I come in contact with or being something they need just that moment. What does that look like?

Sure, I may not be gaining a Timothy (Paul discipled Timothy before sending him out to do the same) with each encounter, but I can leave behind seeds of love. I can be a George Bailey in someone's day. Or even maybe a lifetime and generations to follow.

God transformed my life and hair with just one cut! 

The Miley in Me

It's been a couple weeks now since Miley Cyrus' jaw dropping performance at the VMA's and she still remains to be one of the most talked about people. Tweeted, Facebooked, and blogged about, I, too, have found myself delving into the what seems to be a train wreck or one of the most brilliant publicity ploys ever. There has been a great deal of judgement, harsh opinions, and open letters over the singer's behavior, which is somewhat justifiably due to the numerous teen girls in the country that look to Miley as a role model. Strangely, I find myself identifying with the pop star.

This Hannah Montana "no more" is arriving at her early 20's. I don't know about you, but my early 20's didn't look much less appealing than any one of Miley's recent performances. Sure, I might not have been poised naked on a wrecking ball or twerking with Beetlejuice, but my life didn't look anything like what it does today.

I was a mess in my early adulthood era. It was plagued with all kinds of doubt to my identity, bad decision making, immaturity, irresponsibility, and an ugly and hurtful 6 year relationship I had no business being in. I was trying to find myself but instead lost myself. Friends and colleagues often wondered where my old self had vacated to, I was empty and searching for something to fill me. To this day, I still look back and wonder who in the world was that girl. She sure wasn't me. It's like looking at the Miley in me.

You see, Miley and I are one in the same. Her sins aren't any greater or worse than mine. She may be exemplifying all the wrong choices while trying to find her way, but like Miley, some of us can be a little more extreme that others when it comes to finding ourselves in our rebellion. But really, it makes no difference to Christ. It's all the same sin in His eyes and it doesn't make her have any less chance of being His daughter in the Kingdom. It's what He gave his life for.

Beauty for Ashes! It all becomes part of God's beautiful story to glorify Himself in the end. We are a beautiful story! And sometimes, a beautiful mess.          

The difference is surrendering and giving Christ the opportunity to take over our lives and heart and make a right relationship with Him. God took hold of me along with every one of my bad decisions and covered me with His love, mercy, grace, forgiveness and overwhelming kindness. He guided and restored me back to a place of righteousness. Without Him, I would still be wandering.

Every single one of us is broken. Miley is no different. No different than me. I'm only separated from the Miley in me by my encounter with the Father and His continual love and forgiveness to wipe me clean.

Instead of judging a person full of sin, look at them as empty of Christ. How are we to love them towards the Father? 

One Month And Already a Lifetime

Our little Tyler had a One Month Birthday this week!

And was inaugurated into our Family Bible we received on our one year anniversary.

We chose Psalm 84:10 for Tyler's official marking since his name means "Doorkeeper" or "Tile Maker."
"For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in
the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness."

Time has started to pick up it's pace again in the Adams' household. It seemed to slow down just a tad in the toddler zone, but it's full speed ahead again all too quickly. A month of days has approached itself in a what feels like a week, but in a sense feels like Baby Boy has been with us forever. 

Newborn sizes have already been replaced with the next size up, intentional smiles have shown their first glances when playing with Mommy, and two big sisters have decided that it's okay to show their displays of affection for the little guy instead of baby phobia.

The girls didn't acknowledge his existence too much for the first couple of weeks. Now, the girls can't come downstairs in the mornings without looking for Brother. Esther has proven to be my 'little mommy.' If Tyler starts crying and I don't immediately tend to him, Esther will care for him and rub his head to calm him until Mommy arrives. She is a big helper. Sometimes too much....she now tries to pick him up.

Tyler is an entirely different recipe than the girls. The most noticeable being the crazy dinosaur noises coming from his corner of the room at night; Terra Dactyl to be exact. Haha! He doesn't mind getting a bath, loves his head rubbed, and eats like a horse. Thankfully, Anna and Esther paved the way in breastfeeding. He is eating their amount combined; 4-5oz every 2-3 hours or some nights every hour and a half. Shew!!

We have yet another good baby, but have found that he is a little particular how he likes his love and care. Dirty pants must be changed immediately, room temperature breastmilk must be warmed to his liking, arms must be out for swaddling, there must be extra cushioning in bed, and positioning is not always the same. 

Yet on the other hand, he can be very laid back. He is very patient until you take advantage of it and can easily sleep through Big Sisters' screaming and loud play (well, for the exception of pots and pans). Those two qualities are obviously from his Daddy. 

And his best quality... he loves his Mommy the most. ;)

Our Baby Boy Is Here!

                                   Life & Parenthood just got a little more sweeter!
                                                                     Introducing our newest little addition...

Tyler Alexander Adams

Monday, June 17, 2013, 6:28pm

6 lbs 8 oz

20 1/4 inches

Every bit of PERFECT!

Little Tyler Feet! Eeeek!!!

Comfy at Home