Dinner Talk

Before we moved to the Gulf Coast, we had one of the best small groups. It is something we still longingly miss most from our departure from the Bluff City. It was a tight knit group and the people in it spoke wisdom and poured into our lives. We learned a little formula to this closeness as well. Sharing a meal at a table together and speaking things of the heart truly go well together. One of the key components was when the meal was over, we didn't vacate from the table to move to a sitting area for the deeper discussion times. We stayed at the table. The observation was people generally felt more comfortable opening up and sharing while staying at the table, but tend to more or less clamor up and feel less at ease in sharing once moving from the table. 

I think so much of this applies in family dynamics as well. 

Our family sits down for family dinner on weeknights. The kids help set the table and get drinks while Kyle and I prepare the food together. We usually pick a weekly rotation like Monday burger night and Taco Tuesday, of course. Kyle makes home made French fries, cutting up potatoes and frying them on Burger nights. We don't do phones or devices at the table, so I really enjoy the undistracted time with all of us together. It's a great time to hear what's on everyone's mind. Kyle likes to ask funny questions or spout off funny facts. Our normal conversation breaker is ask the favorite part of everyone's day, Mommy and Daddy included, because let's face it, kids will tell you their day was "fine" and they did "nothing." Asking the kids their favorite part or going further and asking maybe their not so favorite part of the day can really open up the table discussion. 

But just like we do a weekly dinner food rotation, some days have designated themes assigned to them. Taco Tuesday night is Joke Night at our house. All the kids prepare 2 or 3 jokes to bring to dinnertime. All the kids go around the table sharing their jokes and all of us vote on the funniest one. Livie and Ryan make up their own jokes and usually laugh all the way through telling them. They usually succumb to the classic, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" 

Wednesday nights, we like to share positive words of affirmation. We go around the table speaking characteristics we love about one another. We try to focus on attributes of each individual and not solely on physical aspects. I think it's easy to think the negative about ourselves or with siblings, they often squabble, forgetting to appreciate what they love in their brother or sister, so this brings encouragement to build each other up and establishing a safe space. It also teaches our kids to try to see the good in others. 

We have done Positive Wednesday two ways. The first being we pick the person to our left (or right, or across, etc.) and we each go around and say a positive word about the person next to us so each person gets to hear an affirmation about themselves at dinner. The second idea is to pull a name out of a hat and each member can join in saying positive attributes about the person drawn, pulling a different name out each week. We alternate using both. We most often speak affirmations to the person next to us, but at times when I notice one of our kids needing some extra positive reinforcement or it's a birthday, we shift to focusing on one individual. One of the more humbling times was when the kids put my name in the hat and had a night sharing what they love about me. It's one of those times I realize as a Mom I try to exclude myself and try to avoid attention, but it was important to them. The kids got excited to share about me and that was significant for me to witness and hear.

Thursday nights are feelings check in nights. Kyle and I both participated in a workshop where we both learned the importance of naming feelings. We both realized we have grown into adults not always being able to name what we are feeling or naming our emotions. I want our children to be able to start naming their emotions as young people.

I listened to an excellent episode on the "Raising Boys and Girls" podcast talking about Children's Emotional Milestone Vocabulary and learned the importance for our children to hear the adult's in their life naming our emotions through our own daily experiences in order for them to start verbalizing their own. 

We go through the 9 basic emotions, sharing at least 3 at dinner, "I felt ___ when....":

Mad

Afraid

Guilty

Joy

Lonely

Love

Sad

Embarrassed

Excited

This is an exercise that is not limited to the dinner table obviously, but we have found sharing at the dinner table makes it less awkward and less pressure for sharing some of those more apprehensive feelings... and over time making sharing feelings less hard away from the table. 

I thought Feelings Check In night would be the most bumbling night and I hesitated most on it, probably my own uneasiness in the application, but really our kids miss it the most when we skip it and oddly request it most of all the other nights. 

Other nights, Kyle will tell the kids to just ask him anything. It usually ends up with him sharing childhood stories.

After dinner, everyone works together to clear the table, wipe up, and sweep. Every person is important in the process. 

We enjoy our nights together so I wanted to share some of our traditions with you to inspire dinner time. Bonding and quality time seem to go hand in hand with the comfort of food and home. If I'm honest, I used to have a hard time getting in the family dinner groove.  We didn't do it consistently or make it a priority. Years ago, it felt easier to me not to do it, not to have that focused time, or the pressure, but it felt like there was a piece missing in our family dynamic and I wanted it to change. I want our family to know it is a priority and has a sacred time in our busy schedules to listen to one another, a place to be heard, and a place to be seen. 

I'd love to hear any dinner traditions you have in your home! 

Weaning to a Sugar Less Household [With a 3 Year Old]

We have been on a very interesting healing journey with our #5. From almost the beginning, around 2 months old, Ryan has been our little sufferer. He had silent reflux and some other issues. We (he + me) never slept, he could never be set down, constantly restless, all the things. Being that this was not my first rodeo, I knew this wasn't just a clingy baby. He was not feeling well, but being that he was considered a healthy weight, meeting milestones, and no other determining factors, I didn't have a lot of support from the pediatrician. 

After the advise of several friends and desperation, we started taking him to a chiropractor around 6 months old, which seemed absolutely foreign to me and out of my comfort zone. We, then, started a path of natural medicine through the practitioner when he was closer to 18 months old. He made so many strides and we started seeing his little personality poke through and him beginning to play and have more better days. 

In the long game of that journey, our family has learned a lot of natural medicine and remedies. We went from our kids constantly being in and out of the doctor's office and at least one kid or more on antibiotics every other month to now in the past 2 years, we've had no sick visits (minus this story below) and not one of our kids has been on antibiotics in two years now. I also want to note for the Covid years, we have been living life normally down here at the Florida border. 

Fast forward now to 3 years old and he is in a better place in our journey. He's still not one hundred percent, but a vastly different kid.

We, recently, took our kids to a military celebration of a neighbor, who arrived home after a year deployment. There was a bounce house, fun, a snow cone truck, lots of treats, juice boxes, etc. Our kids participating in it all, of course.

Ryan was sitting on Kyle's lap when he had what is called a mini absence seizure. His eyes rolled up and went back and forth for a few seconds, but no abnormal body movements. It definitely scared this Mama bear no less. 

Longer story short, the culprit seemed to result from his sugar getting too high. Hence, the party eating in that episode. This answer felt scary to me. I cried in the appointment. It felt overwhelming to think our child could be looking at pre-diabetic symptoms at 3 years old, but thankfully, we already have some successful alternatives that are working for him in healing the body and praying he will live far from these ailments. 

In the meantime, our family had to make some changes....

I've always been a super conservative Mom when it comes to sugar intake in our home to begin with, so this felt like an equal blow. It's something I have always tried to watch in our home. I suffer from autoimmune and have learned the ugly sides of sugar and I wanted to teach our kids young to not over indulge and learn healthy eating habits as they grow into adults.

I think all the grandparents have always been the most frustrated with my practice because I'll cut off their spoilings after a moderate amount.

My husband and I don't drink sodas. It's never in our house. Our kids have never tried a Sprite and just recently tried a Gatorade. Our kids are allowed watered down juice at lunch time. Water and milk the rest of the day. Desserts after lunch or dinner are seldom or special occasions and we don't do cereals and sugar at breakfast, except Saturdays.

But starting to look at labels of what I was allowing or passively allowing our kids to consume, down to instant oatmeals, pasta sauces, and ketchup was still unsettling, and taking away some of the few treats they were allowed to have, at least mostly with a 3 year old, is hard to bargain with. Change is never easy especially these sweet treat ones. 

At three years old...how was I going to do this in an easy way where I didn't have meltdowns and stalemates over loved snacks and try to offer what seemed less appealing foods in the process with our already hard eater?

The answer: Hot Wheels cars!

Ryan being only three, I didn't think he would understand or grasp my words, but I had to communicate the changes, so I told him frankly even though the verbiage felt big for his age. 'Ryan, your body does not like sugar. It doesn't make your body feel good when you eat it. We are going to have to start making healthy choices. That means, we are going to have to start giving up some of our foods and treats for healthier foods like....'

I was surprised at how well he seemed to take it in and understood a fair amount. I, honestly, didn't have that expectation. Sometimes I wonder if we just don't give kids enough credit, even at three years old!

I decided I would instate what we learned from our "Yes, Mommy! Yes, Daddy!" days when we taught our youngers how to establish respect at young ages. We started obedience out with incentives for two weeks and then took away the incentives and still acquire the behavior after it becomes more instilled habit.

So Ryan and I made a trip to the store. We went to the Hot Wheels aisle and we picked out a bunch of $1 Hot Wheels he loved. He's a cars guy! I let him know that these are going to be our 'Healthy Choices' cars and he will get them as rewards when making good choices.

A huge point I also learned myself from autoimmune diets is you have to stay focused on what you CAN eat and NOT what you can't eat, so I applied this as much as I could with Ryan. Positivity matters. We are eating to live well.   

The first morning of going sugar less went great with Ryan. He ate chicken for breakfast. He was very positive and even tried a new food at dinner, which is huge for this guy, who has several food aversions. First day, I presented snack time with saying, 'Hey, we can have x, y, or z. Which one would you like?' instead of approaching him with, 'Hey, we can't have this today, but you can have this instead.' 

I was surprised how well Ryan was doing, honestly. He's our hard kid. It seemed funny how setting an expectation and following through with it, seemed to go, but there always came that moment when we would have a stand off. He would become focused on having an old snack that he was no longer allowed to have. He would start fussing as a 3 year old does (I would want to too. I mean it's hard for adults too!) and it seemed like it's circles... that meltdown spot...and that's when I would break out a "Good Choices" Hot Wheels cars!

I would acknowledge his emotions of this feeling hard but refocusing the situation to an appealing offer: Would he like to trade the coveted snack for a "good choices" car? I would then show him the selections of Hot Wheels and let him know he could pick any car for trading Mommy the snack and making a good choice instead....and most every time, it was a winner. It was very important to infer the car was a reward for his own decisions of a healthy choice and changing the mindset from negative to positive with the new snack choices and a car.

There were some days that came easy and others hard. Days that were easy and he made good choices throughout, I would still reward him at the end of the day with a toy car reward and praise him for all the healthy foods he chose to eat that day. He seemed to love the praise for his choices on his own, even at 3 years old.

After about a week and a half of Hot Wheels bargaining, I took the cars away and implemented the true rules. I know some would just implement the rules from Day One, but I really wanted to make this a positive experience, I wanted him to feel like he had the power to chose for himself, which will carry to adulthood, and I really wanted to avoid the Mommy-threenager power struggle! It is real!

The few days before I decided it was going to be the last of the Hot Wheels negotiations, I thought he was going to transition just fine without them and he did! He didn't notice there were no more cars too often. We going whole days without exchanges days leading up to and it was becoming less of a big deal. Eating healthy was becoming his normal. He started forgetting about foods and snacks he used to eat since we had been replacing and making new go to habits.

I'll never forget about 2 weeks in and Ryan raided the pantry for a snack while I was outside talking to a friend. He brought me a bag of Goldfish crackers, unopened, and asked, "Is this sugar?" In his words, he was bringing it to me to ask for my approval for eating. He seemingly understood the message he had learned. My jaw dropped, but I felt so proud that my three year old was conquering sugar like an champ and trying to make choices for himself. (And if you know Ryan, he will instill an older sibling to open what he wants to bypass Mommy.)

After about a week of cutting out sugar, there were noticeable behavior changes in Ryan. He was less fussy, almost no meltdowns, more good moods, sleeping better, and overall more content. 

So far, we haven't had any more absence seizure episodes that we have seen, so we are very thankful. 

I want to add that it's hard to 100% cut out all sugar out of the diet. Hence, sugar less, not sugarless. It's a matter of eliminating most sugar and processed foods. We try to stick to more natural sugars in fruit since his body tolerates it better. As his body has begun healing a bit, we've added a Kind Kids Chocolate Chip granola bar to his afternoon snack some days or one that is sweetened with dates, or making a healthy cookie recipe sweetened with maple syrup.

There will always be times where we splurge for ice cream or still have our chocolate chip pancake mornings, but it's key to keeping those in moderation and limiting how often.

And if you were wondering, our big kids took the changes exceedingly well even down to sugarless ketchup. Being that we weren't overly sugar excessive to begin with, I think, helped a lot. We have also had healthy eating conversations in our household for a few years now and as much as the kids some times think they are missing out, especially at school with what's in other kids' lunchboxes, they seem to have an understanding of the discipline and don't complain too often.

Food is learning to love what you can eat or as a friend of mine says, "It's learning to eat to live instead of living to eat."

Your Presence Matters

There's such a lie from the enemy being spoken to our very souls. It's one that says, 'We don't matter, we can't make a difference, someone else can be the change, or what can I do?' 

I found myself thinking these exact thoughts as I sat in opposition at a special school board meeting Thursday afternoon. Even my husband shook his head at me as I walked out the door to leave. Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would be a parent sitting at one of these meetings, but here I was. I made a decision I wanted to take a stance and speak up for our children. As I arrived, the attendance was small due to the two hour notice in school changes. I sat there feeling like it was a waste. I felt so insignificant and what did it matter that I was there at all. I felt like I was accomplishing nothing. I felt absolutely inferior.

That same voice cornered me in the shower the next morning as it tried to speak into my person. As I was processing the event, something stuck out to me though. I didn't know all the people in attendance in this room, but I did know a hand full that did come. They were all strong believers in Christ, and while it didn't seem consequential at the time, I felt like the Lord was reminding me that even though our number was few and we didn't say a word, my light, their light, our light were all small break throughs in the spiritual darkness.

I was reminded of a verse from 2 Chronicles 20:17:

"But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!”

As I arrived home feeling defeated, my kids all yelled "Mommy's home" as they excitedly ran to greet me at the door. The big kids started inquiring if I was able to revise policies at the meeting, as if I was Super Mom and I had the ability to save their world. I told them that I didn't change anything today nor did I have the opportunity to speak. They were disappointed, but in the disappointment I could also see that what I did meant a great deal in their eyes. I had not passively sat by and let things be. My presence at the board meeting had value to my kids. It showed I cared enough to stand up for their feelings and the big things that matter in their world, and that in itself gave me great pride in my actions.

The truth is we have the ability to impact our world around us. God is calling us. God is calling us to do small things and big things. Things that can even make us uncomfortable at times. We can do big things just by being in relationship with the Father and being present in our ordinary every day lives. The small things you do every day matter. What you speak matters. How you love those around you matters. Kindness matters. The small things lead to extraordinary things. 

God has even been reminding me that that 10th peanut butter and jelly I'm making for endless Summer kid snacking, matters. Those piles and piles of laundry and sweeping I feel like that. is. my. life., matters! Jesus himself served and fed His disciples on several occasions.

I may not physically see the importance of my physical presence in the spaces I contain, but as believers, the beauty of being in relationship with the Father is that we are carriers of the Holy Spirit and Christ himself. We are ambassadors of Him. We get to shine light into the dark places, in the hard places, even when we don't always see the effects. 

This is true in your home, in your work place, with your friends, meeting a stranger, your interaction with the cashier at the grocery store. You have the ability to be a small (big) light in the spiritual darkness just by being who God has called you to be in the places that God has placed you, right where you are.

Comparison has only sharpened the lie that we ourselves are insignificant, don't matter, can't make a change, or that we don't have a voice. Others around you are not doing better, more important things than what God has YOU doing right now in your life. Comparison is that thief and liar!

Being light in a dark world is powerful. 

Don't devalue the light you are shining, even when you don't think you are shining bright.

You matter.

The Bank of Daddy

I'll never forget the day when Kyle and I were about 2 months away from getting married, we met after work and Kyle said, 'I think it's a good night to sit down and talk about where we both are financially.' I felt sick in my stomach at the thought of revealing my fiscal state. I stood there wishing it were pay day to sit down and have this discussion so he couldn't see how dire my affairs were. He asked if I wanted to go first or should he. I said I’d prefer he go first, of course, so he opened up every account he had. Then, he opened this crazy Excel spreadsheet with all kinds of tabs that he had made with graphs and figures of his financial goals. He already had invested in a few mutual funds, which thankfully, miraculously came out of hiding at times when we absolutely needed it later in marriage.  He had just cashed out one mutual fund to pay for my engagement ring in cash. Kyle was completely debt free at 25 years old. 

I had been taught my whole life to be financially responsible. My Dad and I went to listen to Dave Ramsey speak when I was in high school. My Dad taught me the ends and outs of good credit scores. I was always the money saver growing up. However, about a year before Kyle came along, I had walked out years of rebellion and God had pulled me from the lowest point of my life, and with it some bad financial decisions. I sat there with $6 in my bank account, 3 maxed out credit cards, and had just bought a brand new shiny candy apple red 2009 Honda Civic the previous year. Kyle couldn't believe that I had been living less than pay check to pay check the entire time we had been dating. I hid it from him well. That night, we mapped out a plan to get me back on track. I can now say my credit score is officially a few points higher than Kyle's...I say jokingly because that's absolutely ridiculous.

We live a debt free married life (minus our house).

I don't want to make this a sweet and pretty post about living debt free. It's hard. It's challenging. It takes discipline. It comes with overcoming coveting, loss of pride, we can't always keep up with the Joneses, or go out and do all the things we want to do, and the list can go on. We didn't always have the nicest house or cars. There were many a days I wish I was one of the cool Moms in the Collierville school car line with a new SUV or mini van. But on the positive side, we can also stand proud where we are today due to God's grace, a bit of suffering, and a bit of hard work. 

We're ten years into being married and over the years we have had to change the way we talk about money several times because it wasn't always working. Kyle and I are completely different. He has a very analytical engineer mind and I am very creative and emotional in the way I think through things. Every Saturday morning for the past 4 years, after Kyle lets me sleep in while making the kids chocolate chip pancakes, we sit down together at the kitchen table and talk about money and our weekly budget while the kids play and clean their rooms. Kyle uses his spreadsheets while I use old fashion pen, paper, and calculator. It's better for me to write down and see on paper what we are spending and to know where everything is going instead of just totaling everything up. Yet, after all these years, we have still managed to talk past each other when it comes to communicating our finances even though our goal has been the same. It wasn't until the past 2 months this new year, that we have finally clicked our communication hurdles discussing the budget. It took a same frustrated conversation about expenses and Kyle said the same thing he has always said, but in a completely different way that changed how I was reasoning. I've also taken up being in charge of the finances for the past 6 weeks. It has helped us connect better. These kinds of breakthroughs only help add more layers to our marriage.

All that to say, our kids see us communicating. They see us communicate every week. They see and hear us in some of our financial decisions and discussions. We are examples of financial stewardship to our kids. We want not only for them to be well educated and to walk closely with the Father, but have financial peace in their lives as they leave our nest as well. We try to be transparent when they have questions. We decided it would be a good idea for them to be more involved, not necessarily in our finances, but their own finances, in the small kid size amounts they have, like finances 101 on a kid level.

Around the age of 6 for our big kids, Kyle had a great idea and set up, the" Bank of Daddy." The kids were able to set up an account with any birthday money, money from chores, etc. Any amount they had, they could start. Kyle may have even given them $5 each to begin. The Bank of Daddy's purpose was to teach the kids the idea of saving and making good, kid size monetary decisions. 

To get the kids interested and excited about banking, Daddy offered an excessive interest rate. Kyle allotted a weekly 20% interest rate for all money deposited. The kids got excited putting small amounts of money in, only to watch it multiply quickly. Each week Daddy would emphasize how much interest each child earned, to the point there was some major disappointment when accounts were emptied for a toy that ended up not being as satisfying as expected. 

Kids need to see the pay off more visibly than we as adults to understand the concept, hence the large interest rate. It didn't take long for the kids to get excited to add more and more money. Our kids even got a little competitive about who had the most money every week. Esther wanted to be the first to save $100 so she would earn $20 in interest weekly. The kids were excited participating and saving.

The 20% weekly interest rate lasted a long bit until they started saving a significant amount. Once they started understanding the concept and saving, the interest rate then changed to 20% monthly in place of weekly. When they obtained $100, the interest rate changed to 5% monthly, which is where we standardly keep the rate now that the kids master the process and like to save.

Around the time the "Bank of Daddy" opened, we also started offering paid chore job days about every 6 weeks or so, where the kids had the opportunity to pick a job on a card with an amount of money listed to fulfill each job. They could pick and chose as many as they wanted. Tyler seemed to have the shorter attention span and would stop after about 2 jobs, which was completely okay. There was no pressure to the experience. The harder work paid off with higher earnings given in the end.

November 16, 2019- The big kids had the opportunity to shop jobs (outside their regular unpaid chores) today. Each job was based on approx time to accomplish, which equalled about $1/10 minutes of work. I should add that Norwex cloths make jobs easier for the kids especially for Windows and mirrors. I couldn't believe how into it they were and how hard they worked. We worked for several hours this morning while Daddy installed fence gates and picked up paint for my next project.

This concept began to expand their decision making on how they wanted to spend their money. Most kids want to spend money as quickly as they receive it, ours included, often burning a hole in their pocket, but with the kids seeing their money increase, they started making more educated decisions, weighing out if they really wanted to make a purchase or save and wait to buy something they wanted more later. Or if you were Esther, was it worth subtracting from the $100 goal. We would often help guide them by asking them questions if they thought they really wanted to make a questionable buy at the store, the one you know as a parent, is most likely going to be a complete waste a money, but if they still wanted to go ahead, we would let them.

There was one day at the store, Esther had made her $100 goal and started to spend a little. She was down to about half, but had her eye on this Rainbocorn toy. It just looked so awesome in her eyes, but when she got home and opened it, she was disappointed and instantly regretted her purchase. She was even more discouraged that she was down to a quarter of what she had in the bank. It was a great teaching moment and one we probably wouldn't have had if she didn't have a savings goal in mind. It would have just been money lost. 

This past year, Tyler went through a phase where he wanted to spend every single dollar he got, the moment he got it, even with interest, it had to be spent. Kyle challenged him not to buy anything until he reached $40. I felt like it was a steep decision to put on him since he's so young, but Tyler really took to it and felt proud of himself when he went on to reach $50. Since then, he has thought a little more intently before making a purchase, but still gives in, now and then. He has such a gift love language; it makes it hard. His big feat recently was he saved to $100. He saw the value in his savings one day at the store and saw a new Lego Avengers set that he was desperate to have and he got to instantly come home with it, not Mommy & Daddy telling him maybe for his birthday or Christmas. It was all his for the taking.

We've noticed such mature buying decisions since implementing "The Bank of Daddy," which I didn't really expect, especially given their ages. Every Saturday when we open up our books and computer to start talking about money, the kids always race over to see how much they now have for the week, so they get to feel like they are involved in our money talks a little too. I let Kyle know any earnings or withdrawals on their accounts, so they can see their money at work. 

Recently, the big kids asked some big questions after they heard me listening to an episode of Dave Ramsey while I was folding laundry. We had a significant discussion on what it means to have debt. Kyle took it a step further and let them go into debt while playing the latest game of "Settlers of Catan." Kyle traded Esther a card as long as she promised to give her next 4 wheat cards. When the time came to pay the piper, she regretted her decisions. Tyler saw the strategy involved with the debt playing and said he would not do it at all. He came close to beating Daddy that game.

We are so proud of our kids making big kid decisions and wanting to learn. We only hope to add on to their financial education as they develop. Our next steps are to start teaching giving as they cultivate more maturity. 

Christmas Is Over, But It's Still A Wonderful Life

Every October, my husband and I kick off some old black and white film love with a few Alfred Hitchcock classics and other Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart favorites with good ole chili and pumpkin pie making. We also have our traditions like watching "Rear Window" on Halloween after a night out of trick or treating with the kids or watching "It's a Wonderful Life" every Christmas night. I'm ever more thankful that I found a husband who has a love for old classic movies as much as I do. This year we found a new holiday treasure, "Meet Me in St. Louis."

This year, there was something different about my Frank Capra favorite and it wasn't that I finally got to watch it in color. It's hard not to watch the ending of  'It's a Wonderful Life' without getting a little teary eyed, but this year, I found myself blubbering more and overwhelmed with emotions. Suddenly, it was as though I was George Bailey himself.  I felt overwhelmed with the love from all the people in my life who have loved me unconditionally. All their loving kindness set out before me like the heap of money before George Bailey. The love just didn't stop. Their love just kept overflowing in abundance. There were so many times I didn't know how to love back or even accept love, but it didn't matter, the dear ones in my life always seemed to outpour more of it. George, himself, was left with more in return than what he originally lacked.

Also in that same moment, I could feel all the lies of the enemy in my Motherhood. The ones that tell me I'm not enough, I'm too much, too impatient, lost my cool too many times, the many weights of Mom guilt that keep me awake at night. I watched as George Bailey always tried to do right by his family, but even in a moment of frustration and weakness, came home yelling to stop playing the piano and kicking over his office in frustration, but his family still saw him as good and whole. Those moments didn't define who he was as a husband or father, just as in the moments I lose myself, they don't define who I am. There are things I do that may be good or bad, but that doesn't make me good or bad. His family stood with him with pride and love because they knew who he was.

Over the course of the last decade, God has been sending so many people into my life to flood me with love. The intervals in which God has been sending people have come closer together to where it has met me square on and the scales/walls are finally being pulled from my heart.

Just this week, I had a friend drop by with a king cake (Mardi Gras). She's originally from New Orleans and she was excited to wish us a "Happy Feast of the Epiphany." Not only did I feel overwhelmed by the kindness of her gesture, but I knew God was loving on me in extension in that moment. She was so thoughtful to think of us while she was out shopping at the store, but also knowing it was God's way of saying He was thinking of me as the idea was whispered on her heart.  

God is in the moments of kindness. He is in those moments of love when we don't know how to understand them. I'm thankful He hasn't relented. 

There's a reason God tells us in His word that people will know us by our love or the greatest commandment is to love your neighbor. Love is what pursues the hearts of His people. Love has the power to change and convict.  Love can break through walls, chains, and bring us back into the Father heart of God. 

Loving others also teaches those who have never been exposed to the true attachment of love or what love is or looks like, it's weight. 

This Summer I went to an inner child healing/trauma workshop. On the first day they asked what are the three specific goals I would like to achieve from the workshop. My second answer was that I would understand and feel the depth of love. 

I learned through the workshop that I had a broken attachment growing up and it has been a source of disconnect for me. Through God's gracious healing and the overwhelming love of people around me, for the first time ever, I've been able to say I can feel love in genuine depths....sometimes I still don't understand it and I'm wanting earnestly to learn to give it back to others because it's been the uttermost beauty in my life. I would not be where I am in life today without the people who have surrounded us to make our life so wonderful. 

God is love and He uses each of us and our kindnesses to pursue the people around us. 

Love is our greatest giving power. Use it generously. 

Planting Gardens, Harvesting the Fruit

Years before we moved to the Gulf Coast, we were constantly in limbo, with my husband's job, if we were staying in Memphis or moving. It seemed like every other month, a new location was presented to us. He had taken a leadership position that made it inevitable that we would make the transition at some point. We were in the middle of littles and renovating our home, but it was hard to feel settled when you think at any given opportunity, we were going to be leaving. Then, God gave me a word from Jeremiah 29:5, 'Plant gardens and plan to stay.'

The word didn't mean we weren't ever going to move, but for that moment of time, we needed to live life in full where we were. As you know, we did eventually make the move and God mapped out all the details.

Flash forward to two years of coastal living and in this Coronavirus life of quarantine and I again feel the Lord prompting me with this same word. 

For our family, quarantine life has felt somewhat normal because my husband's job is 'essential work.' He still leaves the house every day, not working from home. The kids have been home from school, which I have treasured up this time in my heart. We have had fun activities to do, sweet conversations, and lots of quality time without distractions since life came to a halt. Family dinner was reinstated whereas school and work schedules usually conflicted to make them scarce and sacred before. There was no more fussing to get through everyone's homework, baths, and getting school stuff and backpacks laid out and ready for the next morning. The evening rush to bed and early morning hustle off to school was gone. Summer like living began. Ahhh...I love it! 

In the mist of all this goodness, there has still been a high mix of anxiety, sadness, and some depression. I know this scale is different for everyone. Everyone has experienced it in different ways. For some, it's the loss of events and special occasions that got cancelled, others it's the uncertainty of work or income, for ones, it's the stress of distance learning, isolation, etc. All of those things matter and are all relative, no matter where you fall on the scale. For us, we were sad for all of the things we were missing out on: soccer, the twins' first Father/Daughter Ball, a trip to Memphis to see friends and family, flying to Indiana to see my 92 year old Mamaw, Kindergarten graduation, saying bye to teachers and friends before starting a new school next year, playing with neighborhood friends, etc. 

I also felt this mix of emotions and anxiety over the uncertainty of the future. The Earth is groaning and contractions have been getting stronger over time, but at what point will active labor begin? I felt like we were living in a real life movie where everything seemed to change from one hour to the next and often I felt at any moment Revelation times were beginning, not to say it isn't still, but my fears of getting through with five little people during tribulation times began to trouble me. I started feeling like at any time, these precious moments of living could be gone, traded off for extreme uncertain times. I began living in that unsettled place in life, not knowing if we are staying or going. It's hard to live life fully when you are constantly in that insecure mindset.

That's when I felt God prompt me His words of Jeremiah 29:5 again,

4This is what the LORD of Heaven’s Armies, the God of Israel, says to all the captives he has exiled to Babylon from Jerusalem: 5“Build homes, and plan to stay. Plant gardens, and eat the food they produce. 6Marry and have children. Then find spouses for them so that you may have many grandchildren. Multiply! Do not dwindle away! 7And work for the peace and prosperity of the city where I sent you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, for its welfare will determine your welfare.”

Words so deep, freeing me....

The word isn't revealing to me Jesus' timing of return. We don't know the day or the hour, but His word once again released me to live life fully where we are [whether in quarantine or not], to dream again even while we are in this place of waiting for His return, soon or not.

(And also to pray for peace and prosperity of our city and nation. Reaping a harvest)

My husband and I began intermittent fasting over the past month, which helped reset so many emotions and bad patterns.

My autoimmune had taken me down at the beginning of quarantine and with the help of a doctor and muscle testing, I feel like a new person again, able to take on the day physically and mentally. 

I started limiting social media and news articles to 30 minutes a day. 

The television is usually off most of the day in our home, but I no longer turn it on for the morning news. 

I started taking up a new book list and listening to more podcasts while I fold laundry and do dishes.

I wake up every morning, praying for my husband and reading a small Word passage to focus my mind even if it's only the first 5 minutes before little people vie for my attention. Kyle is usually gone and out the door before we all wake. Praying for him also helps me feel connected to him early in the day.

On Fridays, when Kyle gets home from work, we instituted our own appetizer happy hour. The two of us gather around the kitchen with our favorite wine and make our own homemade salsa, fry corn tortillas to make chips, and talk about our day while the kids play. My husband is usually the chef in our house and has taken up making Babish's fried chimichangas and General Tso's. Some nights it feels like restaurant dining.

We started up our home renovations again. We are almost finished with our fireplace remodel after my husband made built in's on it's parallels. I even remodeled the kid's little plastic house we got for $30 that inspired more playing time. Who knew, detailing the play mailbox would create a whole day centered around playing Post Office. 

I felt my whole self take a deep breath in and pull back in the joy of the days, not hanging on to them with uncertainty. I felt free to be normal.

I have to remember that God is not a God of confusion, but I have to stay steadfast in His Word, pray without ceasing.

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. -Romans 12:2 The Message

Every morning, I ask God to be present in our day and give us good things to do, show me what I need to be doing today. It's important for our eyes to be open to what He is doing, even in the mundane of our homes or out and about.

While searching through some boxes to decorate our new shelves, I found my old 'dream' book that I had made with some friends. We had a dreaming with God party where we had brought all kinds of magazines and scrapbook materials and started cutting out ideas, ambitions, and dreams we felt God was inspiring in our life and pasted them in a book. Opening my dream book made me realize it's time to start adding to it again while sparking some of the old things God had inspired in me. I had put those dreams up on a shelf. I recently found a passion in homeopathy and am considering Homeopathy school.

God is still creating new things, instilling in us new ideas, His Word is still a double edged sword, our prayers are still powerful and effective, even in the hard times, in the trials, for our city and our nation, even in the waiting places. What can we be doing with the gifts that God is giving us right now in theses places of our lives?

I want to be planting gardens and harvesting the fruits it produces.

Hugs,

Ashley

Axing The Summer Bucket List

Where has this Summer gone already?!?! It feels like the Summer has just begun and so has finding it's rhythm and that back to school vibe is already stealing it's joy.

In the preschool years, I loved the smell of the new school supplies filling the aisles this time of year, but now as the kids are getting older, it's the smell of dread of a new school year beginning, all the uncertainties of new teachers, new friends, new adjustments and anxieties, and this year, we send off another Kindergartner. Sigh. My heart breaks inside to let go another one of our littles to growing up.

As school was getting out and the days of Summer were beginning, so was my bucket list of all the things I wanted us to do. I had daily chores set up, workbook and reading time, personal Mommy time where we play games together, color together, make weekly trips to the library, the pool, picnics and walks by the Bay, make a lemonade stand, trips to the beach, ice cream, Chik-fil-a, etc.

We were going to make the most of every day of the Summer since I just want to squeeze up this bunch of time that is growing [up] away from me. 

As Summer started, so did reality, and life found a way to divert my Summer fun parade. Moods, falling trap to that one awful Summer illness (in our case, Pertussis, eeek!), napping baby schedules, laundry, etc, all seemed to take over the Summer moments.

The 4th of July came. It's the middle of Summer barometer warning that school is coming in close. I began to feel disappointed that the days didn't match up to my fairy tale Summer expectations. The Mom guilt set in. But I realized it's not too late to soak up some of those memories and, really, it's not all about the bucket list at all.

It's like that still small voice inside told me that our Summer is exactly what it needed to be:

It's okay for our Summer to be made of rest. It's okay if we don't leave the house all day and stay in our pajamas and play inside and maybe for several days in a row. We don't have the pressure to do and to be. It's a whole season where we get the opportunity to recharge from life, take a sabbatical from the school year long of craziness and going strong. In our case, this whole last year was crazy with moving and bringing home a new baby, a colic one at that. We can play, go to the pool, eat popsicles, take naps, and relax from rigorous schedules.

I realized Summer lets us re-establish home base for our kids so that they know where they belong and where they are loved and where they are secure. We can re-instill our values in their hearts and build on new ones as their experiences in life grows. We get the chance to love on them more and with extra snuggles and hugs. It's in that same place I want my kids to know they can escape and "feel" home as soon as they walk in the door off the bus each afternoon. Home is the environment we create around us and Summer gives us the time to make it ours.

This Summer, one of the biggest take aways was teaching our girls the discipline of reading their Bible every day. In first grade this year, the girls started learning to read chapter books and have found they love reading. I thought it was the perfect time to introduce them to reading their "Jesus Storybook Bibles" by themselves. We (and me) started making a habit of reading some time each day. Some days we have quiet reading time together, each reading our own Bibles, or they pick a time during the day when they want to read by themselves. Some days we journal about what we read afterward. I ask the girls to write what they think the story was about or what they feel like the Lord is sharing with them as they read. When they write, it melts my heart. Kids have a way of sharing differently than us as adults that makes it so sweet.

As a Mom, it's easy for me to get lost in my own Bible reading disciplines. I mean, I never have time for myself as it is, so it's hard to make that time to sit down and dive into The Word in the little down time I do get.

But recently, I found the Lord really pressing upon me, 'You can't know Me without knowing My Word.'

Umm...Wow! I found that to be extremely convicting!! My daily desire is to know the Lord in deep relationship and to be ever growing deeper in Him. I have to be in His Word. Our kids are so eager to know about God and this is the perfect place to start and share in the journey.

School around the corner only reminds me to stay present and intentional of our time together.  We will still plan some Bucket List fun and make some sweet Summer memories, but the most important ones are going to be the small daily things we do and instill in our kids each day that leave a legacy. It won't be that we rocked the Summer with stuff or catching all the Instagram happiness.

Happy Summer, y'all!