Mommy Blues and Fresh Perspectives

Recently, I got to have some much needed girl time with one of my best friends. Our conversations usually center around what God is doing in our lives...and I can tell you that we end up in a time warp. Five hours can go by like it was two before it's so late that my husband usually texts her to tell her to send home his overly tired pregnant wife. Haha!

I shared with her how I have been in a Mommy funk or what I like to call the "Mommy Blues." It's been hard being at home and not being able to participate in all the things I want to do, see all the friends I want to spend time with, and just generally, being kind of lonely in toddler world. I can't remember the last time I had a break and it's been a couple months since I have had a date with my husband.

My mornings have looked a little like this every day this week: In the first 5 minutes the girls are up while I am getting breakfast together, the girls go straight to the bathroom, throw my clothes and suede boots into the bathtub and turn on the water. While digging out the soggy mess, they run to the next room pouring out all the seasonings my husband left out on the table, all over the floor including pouring salt on the raisins they are eating and having a meltdown because I throw them away.

Or changing Anna's diaper only to have Esther slinging baby food all over the carpet and while scrubbing and "Resolving" the mess, I find Anna is pouring laundry detergent in the litter box and then trying to scoop the detergent back out into the detergent bucket. Ahhhhhh......

I have had an unspeakable joy through these Mommy times. I love it so! The normal Mommy days just don't get to me. I can store up gladness like a camel and carry through. But my reserve has started to dry up. I'm thirsty. I'm so thirsty! I'm falling short by The Well. I'm unraveling....

My dear friend had all the fresh perspectives I needed to start changing it all around and to start living in the face of the Lord again. She reminded me that this is a season God has placed me in with purpose. Everything in this season is different and I can't compare it to the last. The people I'm pouring into looks different than I envisioned...I'm discipling two toddlers to grow up to go out and shine in the world. My worship and service has new and different aspects...changing diapers, feeding, comforting, singing songs and playing are all acts of worship unto the Lord. And until the kids get a little bigger and I can start having a little more freedom, God has Grace for me in this season.

She also suggested in my quiet time reading that I stick to the Psalms for a while. The Psalms record David's ups and downs... his joy, his anger, his praise, his sorrow, his crying out unto the Lord, his struggles...it's all there. Each day I have read, it's been like, 'Whoa! This is how I feel today.' It's like an outline to lay my feelings and circumstances at the alter of the Most High daily, moment by moment and not forgetting to worship in the mist of it all. The words meditate on my heart all day long. It's bringing back that joy aspect into my day.

We had some friends pray over my husband and I after our "Baby Sprinkle." My heart broke down as one prayed how I had walked out this past season alone in excellence, but this season isn't going to be repeated with our new baby. I will have more help, more friends stopping by to visit, boldness to ask friends for help, and the fullness of His joy will wash over me again...new, every day! I felt as though a portion of my plate of burdens was lifted right off my shoulders. God hasn't forgotten where He has placed me. He's about to start something new in my daily Mommyhood. Their sweet prayers spoke that I am the Lord's delight!

It wasn't until sharing my burdens in Small Group last night that I felt totally freed. The Lord took the last few scoops off my plate and took them all for Him to bare. Everything is changing and my heart is now light!

Sure, this morning, I indulged in a cup of chocolate pudding with my eggs, toast, and o.j out of pity for myself. Yesterday, I couldn't wait to escape out the door just for an hour dental appt that was 8 months over due. I look on with exasperation as I can no longer keep up with the girls, laundry, and dishes and am unsure if my house will ever be clean again. The nursery still isn't prepared for our new boy. And Kyle and I are holding our breath for my thoughtful Dad to visit next weekend to give us a date night....
One of the toughest weeks that looked like the end of me became a week I am filled again and being restored to my full Motherhood joy. I am exactly where God wants me to be.

Matthew 11: ²⁸Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

What 18 Months Looks Like

We have twins and somehow, I think this makes us a little interesting. Everyone wants to know what's going on in our world. Not to mention, everyone has lots of questions. :) 

The girls just turned 18 months old and my heart grows bigger every day. Twins are a very special gift. A joy only few get to experience. I'm so thankful God blessed us with more than I knew to ask for. 

Anna and Esther love climbing everything, exploring everything, and dancing around the kitchen to music with Momma while spinning around in circles until they fall down.

Reading books have replaced almost all toy play in the house. They sure didn't get that from me! Ha! We read the same handful of favorite books over and over all day long. Some books I want to hide after reading 100x, but my favorite part of reading one of their favorite books is near the end when the Mama kisses the Baby, the girls each give me a kiss too. I melt. :) When Esther reads by herself, she has a distinct reading voice. It seems like she is trying to mimic how I read to them. Her little mumbles pitch up and down really fast. I can't help but think it's the cutest thing ever! 

And although they both look alike, dress alike, share the same schedules, play with the same toys, tend to be extremely shy, and have infectious smiles and laughs, these two girls couldn't be more different in personality. They are not much alike in character at all. It's so fun to watch as they are learning to express themselves more and more. 

Esther Autumn

Weighing in at 23 lbs

and 31 inches tall

with 11 Teeth

This little bundle of mischievousness has become a big Daddy's Girl. It is so adorably cute. She follows her Daddy all around the house, gets excited when he comes home from work, talks about him during the day when he's not home, and tries to wear his shoes whenever they are found laying around. She is in almost every way just like him. I can't seem to find any qualities of myself in her at all. She is all Daddy! She is serious and reflective, a tease, a daredevil, more independent and quiet, and is always soaking in her surroundings and trying to figure out how everything works or goes together more than the average toddler. We think she has Kyle's genius engineer brain. :)  Her qualities tend to get herself in more trouble than Anna since she is always exploring and observing everything around her. 

Favorites:

Food: Tomatoes

Toy: Corn Popper and Little People Disney Princess Castle

Song: Ring-Around-the-Rosie

Book: "Little Loon & Papa" by Toni Buzzeo

Cat: Flopsey 

Favorite Esther Stories:

I gave my husband a new watch for our anniversary that he started wearing every day. Obviously, Esther has taken notice in a very short time. One day my husband forgot to put it on, when he got home from work, Esther excitedly greeted him, then ran straight to our bedroom to grab the watch off the nightstand, bringing it promptly to put in his hands. We were astonished!

The girls have a pink toy 4-wheeler that they got for their 1st birthday. Anna has taken ownership of it completely. She rides around on it all throughout the day. She never gives Esther a chance to ride it. If Esther tries, Anna will quickly come and push her off and take over. Esther has discovered this to be to her advantage. If Anna has something that Esther wants but Anna won't share, Esther will run over to get on the 4-wheeler. The result: Anna will drop what she has, run over, and get on the wheeler...leaving Esther with the prize. Haha! :)

Anna Elizabeth

Weighing in at 23 lbs

at 31 inches tall

with 10 Teeth

Anna has become quite the little ham and coming into her own. She's starting to express her goofy little personality more and more. She is starting to put tiny baby size sentences together. "Where you?," "What do you?," and "Out my way" are some of her newest additions. "Oh uh" still being my favorite. :) She makes cute little faces as she jibber-jabbers all through the day especially as she tries to communicate with us.

Unlike Esther, she is more like her Mommy. :) She already loves to draw and color! She loves our afternoon sensory/creative play activities the most (i.e. flour or rice play, water play, painting, pebbles w/cups bin). She will stay completely focused for at least an hour, which is abnormal for this huff-n-puff all go girl. She is all play and all talk all day long. Some of my family will appreciate this one: she is starting to develop a slight "bag lady" tendency I had around age 2. We will have to watch to see if it progresses. ;)

Favorites:

Food: Chicken Nuggets

Toy: Shopping Cart and Pink 4-Wheeler

Song: Itsy Bitsy Spider

Book: "Llama Llama Red Pajama" by Anna Dewdney
and "My Farm Friends" by Wendell Minor 

Cat: Bebes

Recent Favorite Anna Stories:
When Anna is in full form of hamming it up in front of everyone, she has developed a "duck walk" where she bends her knees as she walks, sometimes bobbing her head a bit. It's my favorite!

My Dad and his wife both work for Frito-Lay and Lance, so we always get a huge box full of chips and goodies whenever we have a visit with them. Just last week, we had a new assortment, which "Nina" had included animal cookies. Anna dumped out the entire box onto the floor, recognizing and picking out the cookies, and brought them to me, begging for me to open it to eat some. Haha! Smarty pants!