Thinking about my girls starting school makes my heart ache a bit. It will be here in just a couple of years, which will fly by like months. Next year, they will start preschool a couple days a week and I will find my day not filled up with little toddlers anymore, but little girls.
As I think about these stages being so difficult on my heart strings, they still get bigger.
I have listened to other mothers recently who have been sharing their struggles with teenagers and young adults. I can't imagine being in that place. I can barely think of my little ones as kindergartners let alone young people with a free will and mind. It's kind of scary. There is a lot of weight in being a parent. We have such a small window to make a huge impact on the rest of their lives.
The challenge, for me, comes in not wanting my kids to walk in the footsteps of my past experiences and mistakes.
How do I keep that from happening?
Will my life exemplify something they long to have and cling to what is good despite what this world has to offer?It's something that has been weighty on my heart and talk with my husband often.
This week, I found myself full of questions studying up the end of David's life in my chronological study. It was late. I was staying at my grandmother's house, longing to have a coffee date with a bff, who is a chronological buff, to pick her brain with all my inquiries, but since that wasn't an available option, neither was a wifi network, might I add, I decided to ask the Lord. James 1, says ask away, right?
Honestly, I was surprised how fast He seemed to answer me. So fast, I was kind of skeptical that maybe the answers were just deep inside myself. Fascinatingly, one of His answers I found in the next day's reading plan almost word for word. Ridiculousness!
I can't remember one of my exact questions, but I began questioning along the lines of what good came from David's sin (with Bathsheba)? It seemed like he messed up one big time and paid for it over and over again (lost the confidence of his kingdom, banished by his son, Absalom, the 3 day plague on Israel after the census, fill in a bunch more etcs here). It didn't seem fair (as if any of us are deserving) especially when he truly had a heart toward God. Why did he have to go through so much? Wasn't it enough that he was on the run most of his life after defeating Goliath and then to do it again? Why did he have to suffer so much distress over an entire lifetime before and after sinning?
The Lord told David:
1 Chronicles 22:9 But you will have a son who will be a man of peace and rest, and I will give him rest from all his enemies on every side. His name will be Solomon, and I will grant Israel peace and quiet during his reign. 10 He is the one who will build a house for my Name. He will be my son, and I will be his father. And I will establish the throne of his kingdom over Israel forever.’The answer goes far beyond just David, himself. It's as though Solomon received David's ultimate earthly inheritance. It was passed down to the next generation.
Solomon received abundant blessings when acquiring the crown. He was given all his heart desired and the ultimate honor and responsibility of building the Lord's temple, which David had always longed to do, but the Lord refused him on account he was a warrior with too much bloodshed on his hands. ::Insert more questions:: Ha!
It felt as if the Lord was assuring me that my many years in sinful struggles would not go in vain. I struggled years in the desert and in earthly warfare so that my children would not. They would be blessed with what I am now passing on with my life.
I have truth to share. Truth that scares me to share. Truth I don't want my kids to see in me, but wisdom that may keep them close to the Lord, and that is true treasure to pass down to the next generation.
As many times as I have wondered, 'why did it take so long for me to be rescued,' I would have not left a day sooner if that's what it meant for my kids to be cut free from any replicating attachments, any generational bondage. I will no longer look back at my past with the same perspective. I was fighting a battle my children won't have to, so they can live in peace.
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me,
for the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted
and to proclaim that captives will be released
and prisoners will be freed.
He has sent me to tell those who mourn
that the time of the Lord’s favor has come,
and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.
To all who mourn in Israel,
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory.
They will rebuild the ancient ruins,
repairing cities destroyed long ago.
They will revive them,
though they have been deserted for many generations.
Foreigners will be your servants.
They will feed your flocks
and plow your fields
and tend your vineyards.
You will be called priests of the Lord,
ministers of our God.
You will feed on the treasures of the nations
and boast in their riches.
Instead of shame and dishonor,
you will enjoy a double share of honor.
You will possess a double portion of prosperity in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.
“For I, the Lord, love justice.
I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
I will faithfully reward my people for their suffering
and make an everlasting covenant with them.
Their descendants will be recognized
and honored among the nations.
Everyone will realize that they are a people
the Lord has blessed.”
I am overwhelmed with joy in the Lord my God!
For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation
and draped me in a robe of righteousness.
I am like a bridegroom dressed for his wedding
or a bride with her jewels.
The Sovereign Lord will show his justice to the nations of the world.
Everyone will praise him!
His righteousness will be like a garden in early spring,
with plants springing up everywhere.
-Isaiah 61
