My Champagne Cup

I have been a camel in the desert since bringing home our new little guy from the hospital. Trying to balance life with a newborn and twins under the age of 2 has been quite the challenge. Now that we are 4 months in, we are getting the hang of things and starting to glide, but I can tell you for sure, my reservoir has been left
empty...

            lifeless...

                        depleted...

Motherhood is not to be taken lightly. It is an extreme dying of self. Sleep, privacy, sanity...it's all gone. Some days you lose yourself in the diapers, feedings, fussing, refereeing, etc. It's easy to forget there's a person under that mouth wiped on, snot and tears stained shirt. 

In some ways, I have lost sight of my true identity (or it could just be my DNA unraveling at the seams from so many sleepless nights. Ha!). It really took God softening my heart this past week for me to cave in. I have to be strong and sufficient for so many people (well, 3 little people and one big one). I rely on myself for everyone. There is no room for me to let my guard down to let Jesus in to take over when I'm falling to pieces.

I saw a vision of myself in the way God sees me, even as a Mother: I was His little toddler. I was still full of sweet and innocence, running and falling at the feet of my Father. It was like picturing myself in the form of my little Anna running into my arms. He put His arms around me as I buried my tears in His lap. 

I need him. I'm still His little girl. I'm not this strong tough Mom guiding my way through all on my own. I'm more to Him than that.

It didn't take long after that for the Lord to show me the error of my ways. Our teaching pastor at church has been the fire the last few weeks. I'm talking, pruning some major branches here (John 15:2). He gave the perfect illustration: If I picture myself as a pitcher of water and sitting out are all my cups, each cup resembling everything I pour myself into (marriage, children, work, small group, activities, service, household chores, God, etc.), then pouring myself into each one and leaving whatever small drops I have left for God is all wrong. Even if I am majorly pouring most of myself into the "God" cup and still pouring small drops into all my other cups...it's still all wrong. 

He went further to picture that we need to be like a champagne glass fountain, like the ones you see at wedding receptions. I need to be pouring all of myself into just one cup. The "God" cup, the one cup at the very top of the fountain that overflows and cascades down and out into all the other cups. Not only is it beautiful but it all works together in perfect alignment without any cups going dry. God will fill my cups overflowing in everything I do if I give myself and everything I have to Him. 

Beautiful. 

Life and motherhood simplified with just ONE glass- God.

2 x 2 x 2 [Birthday Edition]

We had TWO celebrations for TWO very special girls who turned TWO years old!

We began this past week with a small family birthday party! And ended the week with a NICU reunion celebration at the hospital for Esther, which coincidentally was held a day after her release date just 2 years ago!

Pink & Purple Party!

The Decorations

The Fun 

The Party Guests!

NICU Reunion Celebration!

Celebrating our little NICU graduate, Esther, with a petting zoo and games at the hospital. We had fun riding a horse, brushing the llama, petting the bunnies, and feeding the goats. We also got to sit and eat our favorite snacks with Mommy and Daddy after taking our measurements and making hand prints in keepsake clay to see how much we have grown.

 Back from where we started...

(Above) Esther's release date to go home, Oct. 4, 2011 / (Below) NICU Reunion Oct. 5, 2013

Animal Fair

Happy 2nd Birthday, Anna & Esther!
We love you and the delight you bring to our lives!

George Bailey For A Day

Have you ever had one of those George Bailey moments from the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life," where you know you have forever impacted the lives of others? I was thinking tonight I don't know how to answer that question for myself. But on the other hand, without a George Bailey in my life, I could have easily become a combination of a "Violet" or "Mary" in George's scenario of never being born. I would have maybe always been searching for myself and what I wanted and longed for like Violet and ending up all alone like Mary.

I still remember the day. I went in to get my haircut. My hair was long and boring with what she called it, "the butt cut," where the hair is parted straight down the middle. Ha! I was her last client of the day. We had conversation as she transformed my hair but nothing like the, 'whoa, we click.' moment. To this day, I will never know what it was, but as we walked out to our cars together, she said, 'We should hang out sometime!' I was stunned by the words. This 'too cool for skool' chick was asking the most dull person in her salon that day to hang out with her. It was also something I hadn't heard in a very long time.

I was a wilted flower. I had just ended a very long unhealthy relationship and was emotionally burnt out. I lacked any kind of confidence in myself or inner beauty. I was already searching, but not knowing where or how to start my new journey with Christ I had just begun.

After hanging out a few times, she soon started to take me under her wing. No agenda. It wasn't long before she was discipling me simply by teaching life on life. She was an extended hand of the Father to help guide me where He was leading.

She set my feet firm at the start line and pushed me forward to follow the Lord. I went running! I learned how to truly desire the Lord. I gained confidence in my identity in Him. She instilled Biblical womanhood values in me and how to be a good wife before ever meeting my future husband. We became close friends.

Christ alone can only receive all the credit for my life, but He does want us to be an extension of Him. He wants us to be his hands and feet. Serving others in brotherly love.

My life changed simply by going to get my haircut with a hairdresser who knew His heart.

So what does this mean for me?
It means I need to be open. I need to be in connection and in fellowship with the Father.

When I'm out at the grocery store, the line in Starbucks, or at the park with my kids, I don't need to be so self focused that I forget to interact with the people around me. Encouraging those I come in contact with or being something they need just that moment. What does that look like?

Sure, I may not be gaining a Timothy (Paul discipled Timothy before sending him out to do the same) with each encounter, but I can leave behind seeds of love. I can be a George Bailey in someone's day. Or even maybe a lifetime and generations to follow.

God transformed my life and hair with just one cut!